Dad With Gay Son Defends Decision To Maintain Relationship With His Homophobic Brother


sad boy

We never truly know how we'd react to a situation until we are in it, but I'd like to believe that in general we try to always do the right thing. Life can throw little "tests" our way that truly challenge our character, and for one dad on Reddit he feels like he has officially come to those crossroads.  

  • "About a year ago, my younger son (14M), came out as gay," the father began. 

    The dad went on to explain that neither he, nor his other son or wife has an issue with it. However the dad's conservative brother does. The dad also believes no amount of arguing is going to change his mind.

    "While I'm sad that he thinks like that, he is family and I want to keep in contact with him," he wrote. "My son however said a few months ago that he wants me to cut him off and said that he basically feels that by keeping in contact with my brother I am not valuing him as a person."

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  • The dad went on to explain that he understands why his son wants nothing to do with his brother, and has allowed him to stop interacting with him. 

    "I don't want to tear the family apart over this and lose my relationship with my brother, and also my niece and nephew," the dad confessed. "My son got extremely upset when I told him this and accused me of not caring about him and said that I will never understand what it's like to face homophobia."

  • The dad said he does feel sympathetic toward his son.

    "I genuinely feel sorry for him, since he first came out he has faced a few incidents of homophobia with some of the other boys he goes to school with so the issue is very personal to him, but at the same time my brother is still my brother and I don't want to lose him because of this."

    So the dad wants to know: Is he wrong for not being willing to put his relationship with his brother in jeopardy?

  • People struggled to understand how the dad could possibly not see the issue with this. 

    "So, you aren't ok with losing your brother over your son, but you are ok with taking a chance on losing your son for your brother," asked one reader. "Why would you want to keep contact with someone who disrespects your child?"

  • "If my brother -- or anyone - t-reated my child that way they’d be cut off pretty much immediately," agreed another user. 

    And few warned the dad of how much this could end up hurting his son and their relationship.

    "A lot of parents take their relationship with their children for granted. It’s easy to do so when your kid lives with you at home and you see them and interact with them every day. It’s easy to forget that there will come a time when it’s completely up to your child whether they ever see you or speak to you."

  • Others thought it wasn't so bad that the dad kept in touch, but totally disagreed on allowing his brother into the house where his son lives.

    "You’re not just still in contact, but sounds to be regularly bringing this man to your house and forcing your son to either hole up in his room or leave, or be stuck at home alone when you go visit. You say you don’t want to tear your family apart, you still will continuing to contact your brother. Your son will not forgive you for that. Experiencing homophobia, especially from a family member who is supposed to love you, is extremely hurtful and mentally damaging."

    Here's to hoping dad can get his priorities together and salvage his relationship with his son.