20 Things Never to Say to a Little Boy With Long Hair

boy with long hair

My son has long hair. That's right. My son. One would think that in these *cough* progressive times we live in, long hair on a boy wouldn't be a big deal. But to some, it is. It's such a big deal that some people are offended by it, responding to my assurance that "no, he's a boy" with annoyance. It's shocking to me because, well, it's hair. But it seems to bring out the rudeness in some. But, this could help you long hair haters!


A list -- 20 things moms are sick and tired of hearing people say to their long-locked little guys. Consider this a list of things to strike from your conversations with little dudes:

1. How long are you going to grow it? Have you seen Rapunzel? I think that would be really great, don't you? (Sometimes a ridiculous question deserves a fantastical response.)

2. You're a boy?! Such wonderment, I know! There are boys in this world -- can you believe it?! Boys with long hair -- OMG!

3. But you're so pretty. Using the "but" before this is the clincher. Boys can be pretty, too, you know. In fact, the world would be a prettier place if everyone was prettier on the inside, too.

4. Are you sure you're a boy? Do you think you are a girl? Okay, now. Crossing the line here. It's just hair.

More From The Stir: My Son Is Being Teased About His Long Hair, But I Don't Want Him to Cut It

5. You'll fit in more if you had short hair. Interesting this "fitting in." So let me ask you this: What happens when a group of kids are doing drugs -- everybody's doing it, and fitting in would mean doing drugs, too. I want my kid to be himself, not overly concerned with fitting in.

6. Fabio! Yawn!! That's so 90s. More like Captain Jack Sparrow! Charlie Hunnam! Jared Leto! Troy Polamalu!

7. Your long hair confuses me. Your confusion confuses me.

8. Why is your hair so long? Why are you wearing the clothes you are wearing? Why is the sky blue?

9. You should cut it. Okay now. Kindly don't tell my son what to do. Thanks.

10. You're going to get teased and bullied. The very act of saying this shows your dislike or disapproval for long hair. Which, in turn, is a form of ridicule. Some kids are going to get teased no matter what about all sorts of things. I think we all need to work on teaching our kids not to tease or bully others instead. It's like saying, let's get rid of marriage and living together, so domestic violence won't happen.

11. It's too long. Are you the hair police? Will you ticket me with split ends?

12. You're going to be in a rock band when you grow up, aren't you? Of course! Or a biker. Or a surfer. Or a hippie. Or a insert whatever stereotype floats your boat here.

13. You're a half boy and half girl. This is how my son is teased in school by one of his classmates. To that boy, I'd like to say that the Hulk is a half man and half superhero. What's wrong with half things? But it's never nice to be half mean and half jerk. (Sorry! I would never say that to a kid -- never!)

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14. It doesn't look good. Everyone's an appearance cop now, aren't they? You might as well say, "You're ugly and your mama dresses you funny."

15. It's inappropriate. Um ... for what? Church? Jesus had long hair.

16. You would look better with short hair. You would look better if you didn't speak.

17. You're going to need therapy because of this when you get older. Oh geez, don't we all need therapy because of something? It's just hair. Not a face tattoo on a toddler!

18. Is your mom trying to prove something feminist by letting you grow your hair long? *I'm just staring at you. Calmly. Summoning my inner Buddha. I'm meditating. And blinking ... slowly.*

19. You should tell your mom to cut it. Don't tell my son what to tell me to do. Where do you get off putting demands in my kid's head?! I mean ....

20. Boys shouldn't have long hair. Mean people should hold their tongue. With hair scissors. On fire.

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To all the long haired boys out there -- I just want to say that you are rad just the way you are. Long hair don't care!

Moms of long haired boys: What would you add to the list? What have you heard the most?


Image via Gerry Thomasen/Flickr

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