Ungrateful Christmas Tweets Are a Parent's Worst Nightmare

One aspect of Christmas I don't particularly love is how greedy my kids can get during the present-opening process. Granted, they're only 6 and 3, so I realize it's not entirely realistic to expect that they'll enjoy sitting back and watching other people opening their gifts in the same way that they enjoy tearing into a box with their name on it—but I do expect them to wait their turn and be civil … and more importantly, grateful.

I've been working to impress upon them the values of family togetherness and the joy of giving, but I also recognize that they're little kids. Right now, the biggest part of Christmas has to do with the presents that Santa brought, and I get that.

I'll tell you one thing, though. If my kids ever grow up to be bitter, entitled teenagers who call me a "f*cking bitch" on Twitter because they didn't get the latest cell phone for Christmas? I will personally wash out their ungrateful little whine-holes with a lump of coal-scented soap.


It turns out there were quite a few kids who were horribly disappointed with their Christmas haul this year, and they had no problems going to Twitter to air their grievances. What were they so upset about, you ask? Well, their parents didn't get them a car. Or an iPhone. Or their parents got them a black iPad instead of a white one, those assholes.

Most of us would probably be blissfully unaware of this wave of ingratitude, but comedy writer Jon Hendren (@Fart) found and retweeted a disturbing number of nearly incomprehensibly bratty tweets that were posted on Christmas Day. He apparently used Twitter search strings like ”not getting,” “iPhone” and “iPod” or “iPad” or “Car"—and here's a sampling of what he came up with:

I mean, those are just a few of the complaints he retweeted. He thinks he retweeted 40 or 50 altogether before people started posting fake updates, so he stopped around noon on Christmas.

Is your jaw literally lying on the floor right now like mine was when I read those tweets? It's almost impossible to believe that any one person could be that greedy and spoiled—the idea that there's a whole mess of kids out there who were having meltdowns because their parents didn't buy them a phone … or a CAR … well, it's pretty insane, to say the least.

Can you even imagine discovering that your kid had tweeted something like that? How fast would you have their ass on a plane to, say, SOMALIA? ("I'm so sorry you didn't get the right color of iPad, son. Perhaps this monthlong volunteer job in a refugee camp will help you a bit with your priorities.")

Hendren's retweets became so popular, Internet performer Jonathan Mann turned them into a song. It's actually pretty catchy, if, you know, horribly depressing. (And not safe for work, unless your boss is okay with many uses of the Eff Word.)

I hope that the teens he retweeted learned something from the sudden influx of unwanted attention they surely received. If nothing else, there's an important lesson that everything you say on the Internet can come back to haunt you—so maybe suck it up and buy your own goddamn iPhone, kid.

Are you shocked by these Christmas tweets?


Image via ronbennetts/Flickr

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