Don’t Lie About Being Pregnant Unless You Have a Newborn Handy

Gladys Remigio
17 and Not Pregnant
You know how, when you were a kid, your mama or some other wisdom-wielding adult warned you that one lie would snowball into another lie, then another to cover that one, and so on and so forth until you were just all bundled up and bunched into a mass of fibs? Yeah, apparently Gladys Remigio didn’t get that lecture.

The 17-year-old lost lamb told her fiance that she was pregnant in a last-ditch effort to save the relationship (because we all know that’s an effective way of hanging on to a man. Apparently our dear friend Gladys has missed out on quite a few pieces of advice).

So when, after nine months went by and it was almost time to show and prove with a little bundle of joy, she did what any desperate chick who lied about being pregnant to keep her boyfriend would do. She stole her roommate’s baby. 

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How convenient was it that the woman she was sharing a house with just so happened to have a 15-day-old infant?

It wasn’t, as you can imagine, a smooth exchange. New moms are surprisingly inflexible when it comes to sharing their little ones. So Gladys had to go to all of the trouble of hiring two gang members to — air quotes — “break into” their house and kidnap the baby. Now she and her two companion thugs are being charged as adults. And the child is safely back in the arms of its real mother. You know, the one who actually carried it around for the better part of a year.

That these kids, the oldest of whom is only 20 years old, could be sent to prison for life over this foolishness isn’t at all unjust, but it is stupid. That’s a waste of three lives. But what’s even sadder is that this girl thought a baby was the key to preserving her love affair. True, apparently he was willing to stick around for the duration of her three faux trimesters, but a solid relationship that does not make. In fact, if you have to use any kind of tactic to get a guy to stay involved — sexual favors, gifts and money, kidnapped newborn babies — you might as well call it a wash.

You know that. I know that. But girls like Gladys sure don’t. And she’s not in a minority. Though teen pregnancy rates have declined and preventative techniques seem to be working, there’s still that population of young women (and, truth be told, some not-so-young ones, too) who think the ability to procreate is the glue that bonds families and turns boyfriends and girlfriends into parents and life partners. Not.

Then again, I guess since she started the lie, she was working overtime to keep up with it.

What’s the biggest misconception you had about relationships when you were a teenager or that your teenagers have about relationships now?


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