'Bachelor' Premiere: Colton Underwood's Virginity Is the Running Joke of the Night & It's So Not Cool

bachelor premiere
ABC

The time has finally arrived! We're officially into a new season of The Bachelor, and not surprisingly, tonight's premiere was filled with all of the usual suspects. Drama. Jealousy. Competition. Silliness that was actually kind of embarrassing to watch. And of course, there were even a few tears. But although we all kind of expected Colton Underwood's virginity to be a hot topic of conversation this time around, can we just talk about the fact that some of his hopeful ladies were actually making a mockery of it? Colton's decision to hold off on doing the deed became the running joke of the night, and I found it hard not to be totally appalled.

  • Let's start with the first gal out of the limo -- Demi.

    demi colton
    ABC

    She got out of that car looking all innocent and cute with her "banana yellow" ensemble. But then she had to go and say, "Well, I haven't dated a virgin since I was 12, but I'm excited to give it another shot ..." (Um, excuse me?)

    Poor Colton totally had a deer in the headlights look, and it was easy to tell that he wasn't expecting his virginity to be brought up straight out of the gate like that. Sure, he handled it like a class act, but he had to feel a little humiliated.

    Back to Demi for a sec. Can I just go ahead and ask if she hasn't dated a virgin since she was 12, what the hell kinda dudes she was dating at ... 13? Sorry. Valid question.

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  • Next up, we have Caitlin, who showed up with a balloon in tow, to symbolize "popping Colton's cherry."

    caitlin bachelor
    ABC

    Uhhhh ... somebody needs to give this chick a lesson in male vs. female reproductive anatomy. Just sayin'. 

  • Then we have Katie, who came up with the clever plan to give Colton a "v-card," then promptly take it away.

    colton katie
    ABC

    Gee. How original. 

    Granted, Colton did seem to take a liking to Katie when they talked later in the evening, so maybe he did find some humor in her little routine.

  • Don't even get me started on the sloth ...

    sloth bachelor
    ABC

    Hands down, this limo entrance was the single most obnoxious thing I've ever witnessed in the history of all of the seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette

    "Helllllooooo Collllltonnnn .... I hearrrddddd youuuu takkkeeee thingsss slowwwww ..."

    Yes. To be fair, if a dude is a virgin, it's probably safe to assume he moves at a slower pace when it comes to relationships. But since when did this become a bad thing? Or if not a bad thing per se -- something deemed worth of making fun of -- by going so far as to dress up in a sloth costume?

  • Then we have Erika McNutt ...

    erika colton
    ABC

    She wasn't the least bit shy about informing the other women in the house that she planned on flat-out asking Colton why he is still a virgin -- and then she had to throw in the little tidbit that went something along the lines of, "[H]e's so cute, that's why I'm like 'This is so weird because you're so attractive ...'"

    Wait, what? Soooo ... if Colton wasn't as good-looking as he is, then his virgin status would somehow be more socially acceptable? 

    Then before her talk with Colton, she said to the camera, "That's just so weird ... like that just doesn't happen nowadays." 

    EXACTLY! 

  • Erika is right -- it is extremely rare in this day and age.

    colton underwood
    ABC

    But considering the time we are living in, where every time we log onto a computer or turn on the TV we are hearing about somebody doing something sexually inappropriate, shouldn't we be applauding Colton for viewing sex as something important and sacred, as opposed to just swiping right on a different woman every night in the hopes of having one-night stand after one-night stand?

    Again, it's not surprising at all that his virginity would be brought up at some point during the course of the season -- but the bottom line is that it shouldn't have been made into a joke. Period.

    To add a little more food for thought, Colton's decision to remain a virgin is honestly nobody's business but his -- or at least it's not something he should be forced to elaborate on within the first few minutes of meeting a woman -- not to mention being expected to open up about on national television!

  • But on the flip side of the coin, it's important to note that not all of the ladies were disrespectful to Colton.

    colton miss alabama
    ABC

    A few even saw his virginity as a positive thing and find it to be an endearing quality, such as Miss Alabama, for example. (OMG she and Colton would be so cute together. Anyhoo ...)

    It'll be interesting to see how the season progresses from here, but let's just hope Colton is able to weed out the women who are taking him seriously from the ones who aren't. 

    Regardless of what does or does not happen when he finally gets to the fantasy suite dates, Colton at least deserves to potentially take that next step with someone who not only respects him but also his choices. Anything less than that certainly isn't worth changing his virgin status for.