9 Ways to Fake Watercooler Conversation About 'Game of Thrones'

Jaime and Cersei Lannister

Ah, Game of Thrones. Ye of the lulzy letdowns, the frustrating cliffhangers, and the sexploitation messes. I wish I knew how to quit you. But how can I abandon the series that has given me the cunning Cersei and the indomitable Dany; the witty Tyrion (who knew such sass could exist pre-Internet?) and the fierce young Arya; the kick-ass Brienne and bae Jon Snow? Alas, I cannot.

Advertisement

But you -- you, dear reader ... You have clicked upon this post because come Monday mornings, you find yourself by the watercooler, surrounded by Game of Thrones nerds, and with nary a snarky quip of your own to contribute. Perhaps you have fallen behind in your viewings; perhaps you have never watched the show at all. But one thing is certain:

Mondays by the watercooler have become dark and full of terrors.

More from The Stir: 'Game of Thrones' Shows How Women Are Treated in Real Life: Deal With It

Should you find yourself in this conundrum ever again, by the old gods and the new, I pray that you'll heed my advice. (Okay, okay, I'm going to stop writing like that.) Basically, if you want to pretend you're in the GoT-know, the following 9 fail-safe lines can be used at any and all times, and will always be relevant -- and, like Jon Snow, people will know nothing about the fact that you actually have no idea what you're talking about. Enjoy!


Fail-safe line: "This show needs more White Walkers."
The response you'll always get: "I know, right?!"


Fail-safe line: "No, really -- where are the damn White Walkers?"
The response you'll always get: "I KNOW, RIGHT?!"

 


Fail-safe line:
"Can't believe they went there last night, doing that grotesque thing to that poor, innocent character."
The response you’ll always get: "Seriously, this show is going off the damn rails."


Fail-safe line:
"What was the boob count last night? Hard to keep track when there are so many, you know. :::sighs defeatedly:::"
The response you’ll always get: Somewhere between two and eight, usually.


Fail-safe line: "I think I'm starting to hate-watch this series."
The response you'll always get: "Yeah..."


Fail-safe line:
"I can't believe GRRM found two guys even crazier than he is to mess up his books on this show."
The response you'll always get: "Good observation!"

 


Fail-safe line: "Man, did you see Cersei's wig last night? $8 million an episode and she still looks like an America's Next Top Model contestant."
The response you'll always get: "I couldn't agree more."

 


Fail-safe line:
"When is Dany gonna get a cool story line again like in season one?"
The response you’ll always get: "I've been asking this since season two."

 

Fail-safe line: "The Sand Snakes really disappointed, huh?"
The response you'll always get: "Duh."

 

And there you have it! May you never be asked the following question by an incredulous fan ever again:

 

Image via Helen Sloan/HBO

Read More >

tv