'Transparent' Is Awesome … but the Pfeffermans Are the Worst Family Ever

Transparent - Amazon Studios
I hated season two of Amazon's critically acclaimed original series Transparent. Technically, I didn't hate the show, but I did hate 99 percent of the characters on the show. Again, I adore Transparent -- I think it's one of the most brilliant, wonderful, amazingly well-written shows on television, and I think Jill Soloway is beyond talented and smart -- but I still hate the Pfeffermans for so many reasons. And yeah, SPOILERS AHEAD. 


Hate is a pretty strong word, and it's also amazingly accurate. I hate almost everything about the Pfefferman clan. I hate how these people treated one another. I hate how amazingly selfish and clueless and immature they all were. I hate these people so much. I think the easiest way to sum this up is to go character by character, so here goes. (And once again, SPOILERS.)

  • Ali Pfefferman:
    Ali has the worst hair ever. When Ali decides she wants to screw with Syd's heart again, she shows up with the dumbest haircut, and Syd asks, "Did you join a new wave polygamist cult?" That's pretty much all you need to know about Ali's stupid hair, except it is obviously so stupid it makes Ali say stupid things all throughout season two, like "Phallus is to crucifix as vagina is to Holocaust." In all seriousness. I didn't think it was possible to hate Ali more, but in episode nine she drags poor Maura/Moppa to the Idylwild Wimmin’s Music Festival (for srs) and, even though they don't allow trans people there, Ali basically abandons Maura in the forest while she tries to get cozy with a poet -- and Maura basically has to be rescued by Angelica Huston. Ali does little but whine, say ridiculous things, and break Syd's heart. Why you gotta f**k with a member of Sleater-Kinney, Ali?

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  • Sarah Pfefferman:
    Sarah starts the season off by totally f**king over her partner-to-be, Tammy, by saying LOL SORRY THIS WEDDING ISN'T REAL WE ARE OVER. You may remember from season one that Tammy was married to that nice Tig Notaro until Sarah blew up her life and also ruined Maura's cool mid-century house by making Tammy make it look like a disco. Sarah is basically the worst, and she spends most of season two wearing caftans and smeary eye makeup, smoking a lot of dope, and looking for some kinky RPG student/teacher action with a whole mess of people. She also spends Yom Kippur giving a huge non-apology to Tammy mainly to make herself feel better. Couple this with the fact that she destroys a $450 eyeshadow palette belonging to her ex-husband's new girlfriend and, I think you will agree, Sarah is a garbage person.

  • Shelly Pferrerman:
    I had so much sympathy and love for Shelly in season one, but season two is all about her making everything about her. Not only does she creepily coerce Maura into bubble bath funtime, but she also turns a sad tragedy into her own excuse to ruin Yom Kippur and cries at the dinner table like a bleating cow. Couple that with the fact that she basically let the family babysitter rape her son when he was a 15-year-old and, no, Shelly, I am done with you. Plus, she is a terrible babysitter and can't even deal with watching her grandkids for one freakin' night.

  • Josh Pfefferman:
    I am saving the best (worst) for last because how can you not hate Josh? He is the worst dad ever to poor Colton and he basically treats him like a "brah" when Colton obviously just wants a dad. He blabs to his family about Raquel's pregnancy, and then when Raquel loses the baby he also makes that all about him. He decides to leave Raquel at home after her miscarriage and go get blotto at some music party and goes home to realize Raquel dumped him. Good for her! He's like this arrested development man-baby who doesn't even realize he cannot enroll Colton in high school because he isn't his legal guardian. How do these Pfeffermans function anywhere outside of TV land? 

I hate the Pfeffermans so much. I adore Maura and her pal Davina and even Syd and all the man-hating forest lesbians more than this family. They need their own spin-off show! I get that one of the reasons Transparent is such a brilliant show is because the characters are so well written and flawed that it makes you think about who they are and what their motivations are, but I cannot help but think Maura deserves so much better. She can come live with my family! I'd love to have a moppa like her! We can even get matching caftans, and I promise not to get a dumb haircut like Ali. 


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