Newest 'Bachelor in Paradise' Villain Is The Last Person We Expected

There's rarely a dull moment on the Bachelor in Paradise beach, but the producers managed to find them all and squeeze them into this week's episode. Or, okay, that was harsh. I guess we did learn that Joe still thinks "awkward turtle" is a cool and hip thing to do, which was exciting. And both Ashleys continued to be insane, which was delightful. And the new guy was great. So maybe it wasn't that bad, after all?


This add-on cast member this week was Chris Bukowski. He arrived in a flurry of drama, drank a lot of vodka sodas, and then walked down to the beach and never came back. Yes, really.

Somewhere in between these things Chris also asked Tenley out and was rejected in about six different ways before he understood what was happening. And in between that rejection and the leaving forever thing, he gave Joshua his date card, because if there's one thing we know about Paradise by now, it's that there are no rules, ever.

Amber and Justin also went on a date this week, and it happened almost entirely to make Dan jealous. Except that backfired because Amber actually enjoyed herself and then when they came back, Dan dumped Amber for Samantha. (Totally rude, right? Dan's having a harder and harder time keeping his villain down these days.)

Then, to no one's surprise, Samantha continued to be terrible when she dumped Joe for Dan, blindsiding Joe and ultimately sending him home. Can we cheers to that?

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So what else? Justin got very sunburned and now he'll forever have a microphone tan line on his back, and Tanner continued to come up with hilarious metaphors for every situation on the beach. Although, I gotta say, he had an amazing opportunity for some great ball-related humor when he started the "Samantha's like a juggler, but instead of balls ..." metaphor, except he finished lamely with "... she juggles men." Which is true, but still. You have more in you than that, Tanner.

Ashley I. gave Jared an absurdly long letter ("It's front and back?!"), in which a minimum of one page was dedicated solely to adjectives describing Jared. It looked terrible. And shortly after that, Ashley S. described Samantha as "a dead bird," so okay, this week wasn't a total loss. 

Now that Joe's gone, hopefully we can move on from the "Joe and Samantha are terrible theme," because it's been weeks of this and we know they're terrible and we are BORED. We'll take more of the crazy Ashleys instead, please!


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