'Bachelor in Paradise' Finally Gives Joe The Bad News He Deserves

"Hurricane Drama" hit Bachelor in Paradise this week -- that's their words, not mine, by the way -- but they're right. This week was very dramatic and very rainy and OH MY GOD this show is amazing.

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What was the most shocking part of this week? In chronological order, here are our nominees:

  1. JJ. Oh my God, JJ. He did not end up punching Joe (which wouldn't have been that shocking, at the end of the day), but he DID give his rose to Ashley S. -- who was neither this week's sweetheart (Juelia) or the woman he went on a date with (Megan). And then he left the show. Immediately. For his ex at home. He left with his fingers tightly crossed that she would take him back, heroic backing music, and this quote: "I didn't find love ... but I found myself." JJ.
  2. Mikey came back, and in less than 24 hours after getting the call, no less. Juelia had mentioned to Chris Harrison that she wanted a second chance with Mikey, so Chris, a.k.a. Santa Claus, made that happen ... even though both Mikey and Juelia had been kicked off the island at that point. But what Chris says, goes, so now Juelia and Mikey are back on Paradise and tryin' again for love.

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  3. Nick Peterson (Ashley's season) returned to Bachelor Nation with a bang -- a bang in the form of a story about texts and calls and in-person meetings with Samantha. Yes, the very same Samantha who did all of the above things with Joe before the show started and manipulated him into manipulating Juelia. So he came back with hopes for Sammi and a date card, but ...
  4. Samantha turned down his date. He went out with Ashley S. instead, and the two either had great chemistry or too much tequila. In any case, it was a surprising show of loyalty on Samantha's part, until ...
  5. Joe threw a birthday party for himself (it was as sad as you might expect) and Samantha took that as an opportunity to dump him. Harshly. And no, Joe did not take it well. To borrow Tanner's metaphor, Sam took the sword that Joe stabbed in Juelia's back, and turned it on Joe himself. It was beautiful, and I'm officially terrified of her. Still not feeling bad for Joe, though.
  6. Jared dumped Ashley I., and no, that's not the surprising part. The surprising part is that Ash seems to think that Jared is still in love with Kaitlyn, so she called her up and wailed, "What did you DO to him?!" Really.

Cast your votes, folks, and be sure to get 'em in before tomorrow's episode. I'm pretty sure things will only be getting worse from there.

 

Image via bachelorinparadise/Instagram

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