'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' Season Premiere Recap: Bruce Jenner Is Lying

Bruce Jenner

Bruce Jenner is keeping a massive secret from the Kardashian side of the family. He is actually an ocelot. 


Psych! Ha ha. Oh man. I mean, clearly if Bruce was an animal he would be an emu. But seriously now *adopts very somber expression*, on the season premeire of Keeping Up With The Kardashians we learned that Bruce has been keeping a secret from the women in his life. It is at this point that a tabloid reporter jumps up and is all "BRUCE IS TRANSITIONING INTO A WOMAN!" Or, as tastefully demonstrated through the use of GIFs:

Bruce hasn't confirmed or denied any of these stories. So until he decides to do so, let's focus solely on the news about his private life that he does deem appropriate to share on a television show where moments before his stepdaughter giggled about her husband's sperm moments after savoring some brief bathroom coitus. 

Bruce is apparently dating one of Kris's best friends. Either that best friend's name is a terrible two part obscenity, or she refused to be involved in the show. I really hope it's the first one. After Kourtney hears them chatting on the phone and then photos of the duo out at an Elton John concert surface, Kim Kardashian decides to confront Bruce about why his behavior is hurtful to Kris Kardashian.

After feigning ignorance, Bruce's main defense is that Kris Jenner is basically a Geth Colossus and thus, can feel almost no pain. Best case scenario, Bruce says, is to repeatedly use your biotic warp upon her and intermittently hide until the battle is won. This information immediately made Kim's head explode on her shoulders, soiling what was surely, a very expensive frock. 

Kris has seem pretty impenetrable during the divorce proceedings. But Bruce of all people should know better than that. She is a human being with feelings, and to discover -- second hand -- that her best friend is hanging for some loose Bruce? That's lame, lame, lame. Bruce made the whole situation worse by not being honest. It doesn't seem to me that there's a friendship int he future for these exes. 

Why do you think Bruce is lying about his new girl?


Image via Twitter

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