'Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons' Finale Recap: You Won't Believe Who Khloe Kardashian Is Kissing!

Khloe and Malika

On the season finale of Kourtney and Khloe: Pillage and Plunder Like the Vikings Before Them Take the Hamptons, Khloe Kardashian kissed a girl and, defying the immortal words of Katy Perry, she did not like it. The verdict is still out as to whether or not she tasted her cherry Chapstick. Because I am a diligent reporter, I'll get back to you on that as details arise. Anyway, her longtime galpal Malika Haqq got wa-wa-wasted wi-wi-wine tasting (as any sane and reasonable person does) and, in addition to stealing Khloe's chocolate, also tried to smack a big fat kiss on her kissable lips (just saying). Thanks to a little immature squealing from big sister Kim Kardashian, Khloe got weirded out by her best friend's antics. Verily, it was a sea of Regina George-style homophobia intense enough to make me wish and pray that one day Kim would fall victim to the epic poundage supplied by Kalteen bars.

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For a finale, the show went out as more of a silent but deadly fart than the deafening trumpet-like toot I have come to expect from all Kardashian-produced endeavors. They tried desperately to milk some drama out of Kim and Khloe leaving out wine bottles and thus enraging the easily enraged Kourtney Kardashian, but this was far from believable. The only thing less believable on the finale was the idea that Khloe actually thought Malika had feelings for her. Come on. Too much wine = kiss every face. This is a known thing ... right? Oh my god am I the only one? *Finishes wine, kisses own reflection in mirror*

Eventually both conflicts were sorted out. Kourtney admitted to a mild bout of insanity and Malika was all, "Dude. I was drunk. Get over it." Thus, all was right in the Hamptons. I could (and would) watch the Kardashians read the White Pages aloud to each other, so don't think I'm being critical of the show. But honestly, my main takeaway from the finale was that a hot-blooded family of sisters had a crazy but memorable time on vacation -- and that's fine! We don't need to dress it up like 2001: A Space Odyssey Now With More Faux-Lesbianism in order for it to be entertaining. Simmer down, girls. 

What did you think of the finale?

 

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