'Walking Dead' Recap: Only This Glorious Mullet Can Save the World

(Warning: many many spoilers ahead!) When last we saw our intrepid Walking Dead crew, Daryl and Beth were on the run together in Bummerville, Population: Them, Tyreese was saddled with three kids and also a surprise Carol, Maggie was looking for Glenn with Sasha and Bob, Glenn was looking for Maggie with Tara the Remorseful, Abraham made his macho mustachio'd appearance along with Eugene and Rosita, and Lizzie was stabbing bunnies and attempting to smother an innocent child because she is the absolute worst, like even more awful than Lori and Andrea, which is seriously saying something.

And now, let's chat about the events in tonight's episode, titled "Claimed":


We open with a lingering glance at a street sign, "Crook," which is surrounded by walkers, moaning and lunging at an old balloon tied to the post. Wait, did that sign say "Crock"? Because come on, like zombies would be that distracted by a random piece of mylar flapping around in the wind. I mean, if that were the case then couldn't you just put out some flags and -- ahhh, forget it. Anyway, Tara and Glenn are riding in the back of the Army truck Abraham & Co drove up in at the end of last week's episode. Turns out Sgt. Ford is a pretty badass zombie-dispatcher, and when Tara marvels over the fact that he does it with a smile on his face -- she's never seen such a thing! -- Abraham drops the grin and shrugs. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

When Glenn emerges from his flu-fog, he freaks because they've driven three hours past the prison bus and thus his chance to find Maggie. That seems like a SHITLOAD of walking, but Glenn is determined to get back there. Abraham explains that Eugene -- the guy with the spectacularly lame mullet -- is a scientist and they need to get to Washington, D.C. as soon as possible so Eugene can save the "fate of the entire human race."

Eugene won't say what his mission is, because it's, like, toooooootally classified. Also, he's even worse at shooting zombies than he is at styling his hair, because as Glenn and Abraham tussle over Glenn's decision to leave, Eugene idiotically sprays the truck with bullets. Great, now everyone has to walk back with Glenn, including Rosita's exposed midriff.

Elsewhere, Carl and Michonne are bonding over a lively discussion about soy milk, at least until Carl goes and mentions how soy is probably even grosser than Judith's formul -- ohhhh, party foul. Carl's now in such a bleak mood he can't even be jollied out of it by Michonne comically spraying "crazy cheese" in her mouth. (Isn't that stuff, which is both gross and awesome and I would eat the crap out of it in the zombie apocalypse, actually called "Easy Cheese"?) Carl is unamused, on account of suddenly remembering his supposedly-dead baby sister and all.

Really, Carl? Michonne shows humor for the first time since she arrived at the prison, and you're just like WHATEVSKI?

Michonne eventually gets Carl talking by opening up about her own horrifically painful personal loss. We learn that her son was three, and he was named Andre. This is a very unhappy conversation, but things get way way way way WAY worse when Michonne discovers a brightly-decorated little girl's room with the decaying corpses of a family lying on the beds. Another body (the mom?) sits propped in a chair, the back of her head blown open. Ugh, terrible.

Back at the first house, Rick wakes up to hear voices coming from downstairs. These are clearly bad guys, as evidenced by one attacking the other for being a "lying coward." An unseen man enters the room while Rick hides under the bed, which results in one of those classic scenes where someone puts their full weight on the bed while the person underneath is like OHHHHH DAG. A second man comes in the room and fights with the first man over the bed -- boys, boys, you're both pretty, why not share? -- and Bad Guy #1 ends up choking out Bad Guy #2 right in front of Rick's panicked eyes.

Bad Guy #1 falls asleep, because I guess he didn't get the memo about how everyone reanimates, and Rick ends up sneaking around and eventually killing Bad Guy #3 who was in the bathroom. He slips out onto the roof, but not before cracking the door so #3 can shuffle out of there when he comes back as a walker, and ends up crouching next to the porch while Bad Guy #4 spits perilously close to his face. Eventually a walker melee breaks out in the house, and Rick makes his escape, shooing the just-returned Michonne and Carl as he goes.

Rick, Michonne, and Carl go walking down the train tracks we saw in last week's episode, and they too find a sign promising "Sanctuary for all. Community for all. Those who arrive, survive."

"What do you think?" Michonne says. I'm pretty sure it's a trap, but apparently she's talking to Rick, not me. Rick narrows his eyes in thought. "Let's go," he says, finally.

Well, I'm still not loving this second half of season 4 yet, but this episode had some good moments -- Rick's tense scenes in the house were particularly well done. It was nice to see Michonne goofing around, and I'm also a fan of Abraham, even though I have to say that tank top really isn't working for him. As for Eugene's big secret, it won't be a big surprise for comics fans if the TV storyline follows the original books … but I'm sure they'll throw in some changes to keep us guessing.

How did you feel about tonight's show? Do you think Terminus will end up being a safe place as promised?  

Image via AMC

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