'Girls' Premiere Features the Best Berating of Ex In Public Ever

girlsRemember a few days ago when a critic asked Lena Dunham why there was so much nudity on Girls? And then there was that whole discussion on the internets mentioning the reporter's cluelessness on why Dunham got mad, and if any of the Girls' producers should have gotten upset about his comments? Well, the premiere episode answered that question. If anyone wanted to know why there is nudity on Girls, well, it's because it's a show about girls navigating this thing we call life, and what's included in that life is sexuality. And a lot of times, nudity comes along with that. Makes sense to me.

The season 3 premiere of Girls didn't disappoint. At all. Even that critic should like it. Maybe. It brought the funny, the nudity, the serious, the friendship, the exes, the empty sex, the sex of the good variety, the crazy, the angry, and even some girl on girl action. Let's dig in, shall we?


It was a double episode premiere (Females Only and Truth or Dare), so we got two episodes in one welcome back to the one of the coolest shows on TV. Thank you!

I love the quote Hannah told her therapist: "I hold the keys to the prison that is my mind." Someone needs to slap that on a pretty background and share it on Facebook. What's curious about this comment coming from Hannah is that she seems to be the only girl on Girls without some major issues right now. She's got a book deal. Adam's back and making sure she takes her meds. I mean, she has the issues, but they aren't currently flaring up like they are for Shoshanna, Marnie, and Jessa. And Adam. Because even though this is Girls, this guy got reamed out by his ex Natalia in what was a Heathers-like diatribe. Let's remember the verbal abuse by Heather Chandler to Veronica: "You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie." That ruled. And so does this.

Natalia to Hannah and Adam:

So you know what you have on your hands here, right? You know that you have an off-the-wagon neanderthal sex addict sociopath who's going to fuck you like he's never met you and like he's never loved his own mother. And then you're going to cry, because that's what you do. Does he like to eat you out from behind? Does he bite your neck? Does he sound like a dying dog when he's fucking you and he shoots his come all over the place like it's goddamn confetti? Fucking in my hair. I had to get a goddamn blowout after I left your place. I hope you two just enjoy your urine-soaked life fucking like the two feral animals that you both know you are. You're going to end up with a baby that you don't know how to care for. You're going to fucking kill your kid. You're going to give it SPOILED. FORMULA. You're not gonna get any milk out of those tits. I just hope that you enjoy the fucking life that you've chosen. And we? We're not paying the check, thanks.

Oh my word! Hannah got a little teary eyed during this. Perhaps she's seeing a bit of truth. Perhaps she remembered what it felt like to be that girl because Adam's done similar crap to her. Minus the blowout.

Wow. Show of hands for those who either said something similar or were the recipient of such kinds of vitriol.

As she's saying all this, I was picturing some of the kinky stuff she and Adam were into last season. And now it's over. Just like Charlie and Marnie. Just like Shosh and Ray. Just like Jessa and Jessa. Because the other biggie is that Jessa is in rehab, being unruly, calling out lesbians, then having pity oral sex on said lesbian.

Crazy good stuff. I'm feeling that this season is going to be a most excellent one even though Christopher Abbott (Charlie) is gone. What's that about nudity that doesn't make sense again?

What did you think of the Girls premiere? Are you like Adam and "need to come to fall asleep"? What did you think of the berating he got at the coffee shop?


Image via HBO Girls

Read More >