You guys. I don't know how to do this. I come with tragic news. It's so devastating that knowing where to begin seems next to impossible. But as a "journalist"*, I must be strong. Fortitude don't fail me now! Here we go: Lisa Vanderpump's pet swan is missing. I know. Stay with me. Scream if you must, but then keep reading.
Lisa, lover all things pink and fluffy, has a couple of pet swans (because of course she does). One of them is quite young. Quoth Lisa, it is a "baby". She was incredibly distressed to awake on Christmas Eve and find it had vanished. Note, I did not say "flown the coop", because as Lisa pointed out, this youngster is too young to fly. Clearly someone has absconded with her bird. And by "someone" I mean a coyote.
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Lisa shared the bad news on Twitter, in the hopes that her neighbors would keep an eye out for the errant fowl. As of yet, the bird has not made it home. But there are, lest we forget, 12 days of Christmas. If the carols have taught us nothing else, each day is full of possibilities -- and also animals. To that end, in the hopes of keeping Lisa's (and Ken's) days merry and bright, I bring you Lisa Vanderpump's 12 Days of Christmas.
I know it's what some people may call "a high class problem" however,1 of my baby swans took off yesterday,if anyone in Bh sees errant swan
— Lisa Vanderpump (@LisaVanderpump) December 24, 2013
On the 1st day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
A lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 2nd day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 3rd day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a bush shaped like Giggy!
On the 4th day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 5th day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 6th day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
6 Sur-vers Sparring
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 7th day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
7 Swans A-Fleeing
6 Sur-vers Sparring
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Bouys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 8th Day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
8 Brandi Drunk-Texts
7 Swans A-Fleeing
6 Sur-vers Sparring
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 9th Day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
9 Shirtless Barkeeps
8 Brandi Drunk-Texts
7 Swans A-Fleeing
6 Sur-vers Sparring
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 10th Day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
10 Witty Comebacks
9 Shirtless Barkeeps
8 Brandi Drunk-Texts
7 Swans A-Fleeing
6 Sur-vers Sparring
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 11th day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
11 Big Eye-Rolls
10 Witty Comebacks
9 Shirtless Barkeeps
8 Brandi Drunk-Texts
7 Swans A-Fleeing
6 Sur-vers Sparring
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a lamp shaped like Giggy!
On the 12th day of Christmas did Lisa give to me --
12 Pink Peonies
11 Big Eye-Rolls
10 Witty Comebacks
9 Shirtless Barkeeps
8 Brandi Drunk-Texts
7 Swans A-Fleeing
6 Sur-vers Sparring
5 LOUBOUTINS
4 Bandage dresses
3 Pool Boys
2 Cockapoos
and a laaaaaaaamp shaped like Giiiiiiiiiggy!
What other exotic pets did you think Lisa should look into adopting? Also -- HAPPY BOXING DAY YOU FABULOUS BRITONS.
Image via LisaVanderpump/Twitter
* note the quotes, y'all
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