'Big Tips Texas' Recap: Typhani Relaxes With the Help of Some Automatic Weapons

big tips texasThis week on Big Tips Texas, things got really real. I'm not talking about further fisticuffs between broads wearing short-shorts and bikini-tops (although, to be fair, that totally happened). No, no -- this was television drama-level realness. Jillian, my resident favorite for having mastered sweetness AND a smoky eye, found some lumps in her breasts and had to go see the doctor rule out breast cancer. That's right, Big Tips Texas: Cancer Edition.

The alternate storyline this week isn't anything new to regular viewers (hey you two). Everybody is still reeling from the pool party brawl that went down last week. At the behest of her balding boss/boyfriend Tinker, Typhani did her darndest to bring Mimi the she-devil and passive-aggressive pot-stirrer Sabrina back together. This involved a lecture in the corporate office, followed by a heart-to-heart over a game of giant Jenga. AMERICA! 


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The stuff with Mimi and Sabrina in no way pulled at my heart-strings. Sabrina, formerly Mimi's ally, basically just wants Mimi to admit that she's been acting like a giant bitch. Yeah, that's not gonna play. Plus if I were as puny as Mimi, I'd probably be full of just as much wrath -- if not more. This deal is played out, I want that girl kicked to the curb. It would be easy to do -- she looks like she weighs roughly the combined total of three snowy owls. 

I was really worried about Jillian this episode! I mean, that's not really true -- I just hoped that she didn't have cancer. I maybe said aloud to no one, "It's not cancer -- she's just got fibrous breasts," because I know of what I speak. Anyway, after a tearful wait, she discovers she is cancer-free. She is now resolved to show her boobs to strangers in celebration. Jillian wins.

The only other thing worth mentioning is Typhani's attempts to "blow off steam." I'd need an outlet too if my boyfriend thought screaming at me about having to repaint his walls because my brawling employees stained them with face bronzer. Dude, get a life. You run a breastaurant. Anyway, Typhani and a bunch of the other veterans demolished a car that they could have donated to charity. Seriously. They shot it to death with military-grade weapons, and then MTV rigged it to explode. What in the what is even HAPPENING on this show?

Do you think Typhani should stay with Tinker? He seems like a loser to me.

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