'Game of Thrones' Recap: Jaime & Tywin Lannister Are Amazing ... But for Completely Different Reasons

game of thrones the bear and the maiden fairHard to believe that after "The Bear and the Maiden Fair," there are only three episodes left in an incredible third season of Game of Thrones. Just three! I'm already beginning to dread the day when the countdown to season 4 begins ...

Many characters have had some ridiculous moments so far, but this week, a lot of their fates hang in the balance, and who knows how they're going to wrap it all up (well, sort of, since A Storm of Swords has been split into two seasons) in the next couple episodes. So much went on plot-wise this week that it should set us up for a pretty fantastic finale.

Let's get to it, shall we? Of course, obviously, as I've said every single time: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD. Don't read on if you haven't seen "TBATMF." Just don't.


We pick up right where we left off: With Jon Snow, Ygritte, and a few other Wildings on their way to attack the Night's Watch. Ygritte delivers a nice "You know nothing, Jon Snow" and there's some hilarious sex advice from Tormund Giantsbane ("slick as a baby seal," nice). Orell, the skinchanger who cut Ygritte and Jon last week from the Wall to their almost-deaths, pronounces his love for Ygritte, but she admits she's in love with Jon -- ugh, not sure how I feel about this random side story.

But still, Ygritte and Jon get a couple of nice moments together. "You'll die, all of you," he warns Ygriette, while she reminds him: "All of us ... You're mine and I'm yours." One of the few somewhat happy romances in this tumultuous series!

Meanwhile, Tyrion and Sansa -- both good people deep down -- try to look for the best in their particularly terrible situation, with some much needed advice from Bronn and Margaery, respectively. Margaery suggests that Tyrion might be good in bed because he's slept with a lot of whores, and that he isn't nearly as bad as Joffrey, while Bronn has the supremely sage advice of wedding one and bedding another. And speaking of prostitutes, Shae, Tyrion's favorite whore, is jealous of Tyrion's marriage (due to her profession, you'd think she'd be kind of used to this?).

In the middle of this marriage arrangement news, we get an awesome scene when King Joffrey summons his grandfather Tywin to discuss all the council meetings Tywin's been having -- that Joffrey hasn't been a part of. Tywin approaches the throne in a menacing manner only he can pull off. "We could arrange to have you carried," he says after Joffrey complains about all the steps he'd have to climb to attend said meetings. And that shuts Joffrey up.

Didn't anyone else want Tywin to just smack the crap out of Joffrey after approaching the throne? You just do not mess with Tywin Lannister. And that sly smile at the end of their "meeting" -- pretty sure that's the happiest we've ever seen Tywin, after schooing his grandson like only Tywin can. What a badass. Him interacting with any character so far this season has been television gold.

Daenerys hopes to take Yunkai, another slave city, with her Unsullied army. We're treated to a scene with all three dragons! The masters of Yunkai send a gift to avoid a battle. Daenerys insists that the slave masters free the whole city, but that isn't well received. The messenger threatens to enslave Daenerys, but Drogon roars at him and puts an end to that. He protests that Dany promised him safety, and she responds, "I did. But my dragons made no promises. And you threatened their mother" (what better way to say happy Mother's Day in the Game of Thrones universe!).

Well we know who the maiden is who has to take on the bear! In an emotional farewell -- at least for the audience -- Jaime swears to bring the Stark girls back to their mother, while Brienne even calls him "Ser Jaime" instead of "Kingslayer," and OMG, I die.

Jaime leaves but then insists that the group go back to Harrenhal when he finds out Brienne's captors won't accept her father's payment. He approaches a horrifying scene where Brienne has to fight a bear in a pit -- with a wooden sword. Badass Jaime jumps into the bear pit just as Brienne is getting attacked. They're both saved in the nick of time. "Sorry about the sapphires," he quips as he and Brienne leave together. So glad our favorite odd couple is still together, but am I the only one who really wants them to make out at some point after all of this?!

Some other things to know from this episode:

  • Melisandre drops the bomb to Gendry that he is the son of Robert Baratheon (remember the fat king who died in season 1?). "There is power in the king's blood," she tells him ominously.
  • On the way to the Frey wedding, Talisa announces to Robb Stark that she's preggo! Of course she has to do so naked.
  • Poor Arya's arrival home is delayed due to Lord Beric Dondarrion wanting to fight some Lannisters. She runs off -- only to be captured by the Hound! Oh shit!
  • Theon gets accosted by two women who want to hook up with him, but his mystery torturer (those who have read the books know who he is) interrupts mid-dry hump. And then most likely castrates him. Good lesson not to watch this show with one's parents.
  • Osha tells the story of how her once-boyfriend became a wight, and we get one "Hodor" from that scene, so that makes it totally worth it.

What did you think of "The Bear and the Maiden Fair"?

Image via HBO

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