‘Bachelor’ Sean Lowe Has the Personality of a Dishtowel & It’s Amazing

bachelor sean lowerMy.name.is.Sean.I.here.to.like.women.After we got through the uncomfortable, sunset-lit montage of Bachelor Sean Lowe shirtless and staring out into the distance thinking about how awesome it's going to be to find his future wife on a reality TV show, we were treated to one of the best slash worst premieres of the show in the history of the series. Our main man Sean is the most awkward Bachelor we've ever had, which will definitely make this season completely awesome slash terrible.


If the forced sit-down with Arie didn't convince you that Sean has the personality of a glove and the charm of an AOL email account, I'm sure his introduction to the ladies did the trick.

Now normally I'd cut the dude some slack, but coming off of Emily Maynard's cloyingly boring season, I have zero tolerance for a Bachelor with no backbone.

And with Sean, well, you can just hear that every word he's said was written in a script handed to him by the producers, and that what makes it to air is at least his fifth take.

Case in point, the "Tierra. Please.wait.here.one.sec.ond.because.I.think.I.want.break.the.rules" scenario, followed up with a "Chris.I.really.like.the.breasts.en.er.gy.of.this.girl.and.I.want.to.give.her.a.mot.or.boat.rose."

It was so painfully clear that it was rehearsed and planned ... I mean, I've seen better acting on a telenovela. Plus, you know the producers wanted Tierra to get the rose because their promos are based on her being the new "black widow", so obviously they wanted to get us riled up about the injustice of it all. If only their Sean pawn was capable of such a feat.

His inability to hide the fact that he's not calling the shots is only made tolerable because it provides us a peek behind the curtain. Whereas other, better actor Bachelor and Bachelorettes sorta kinda made us think they were in charge of their destiny, Sean does nothing of the sort.

So once I got over my instinct to cringe at his awkward and choppy "spontaneity", I realized that this season could actually be amazing. Through Sean, we'll get to see how the strings are pulled behind the scenes -- he's like a marionette doll dangled by city sewer lines.

Every move he makes is a clue to how the show's run, and hell, that's probably more interesting than the illusion of a 26-year-old man simply dying to settle down and wife-up just after he's become rich and famous. Yeah.

Do you think Sean's season will be good?


Photo via abc.com

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