'Jersey Shore' Finale Recap: The Party Is Over

Jersey ShoreStart figuring out how to fill your Thursday nights, people because tonight was it for Jersey Shore – for this season and perhaps forever. I hate to admit it, but I’m feeling a little saddened by the thought of the void of immoral audacity in my week. I'm sure I'll manage somehow.

The finale was a fitting mix of the things that made the show what it is – random sex, booze, and an undeniable bond between the housemates. First and most importantly, I want to know why it took someone five seasons to come up with the most fitting name ever for Mike, “The Situation,” Sorrentino. Snooki nailed it when she called him “The Bitchuation” after he couldn’t handle the prank Pauly D and Vinny pulled.

He lived up to the name tonight for sure.


After Snooki forgave him in a flash for telling Jionni they'd slept together, he couldn't wait to divulge way too information about Deena’s sister, Joanie, who’s dating his brother Frankie. Clearly sleazy is a family trait.

I’m pretty sure he was saying she was “a squirter,” which you can Google if you don’t know what it means. Basically, even though Mike assured Deena it was a cool thing, it wasn't something a decent guy would share about a girl he supposedly really likes. In the end, Deena didn’t tell her sister, which was a big mistake she’ll probably realize when she sentenced to a lifetime of Thanksgiving dinners with The Bitchuation.

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Let’s see, there was also Vinny hooking up with two lesbians, which he deemed, “a day that will go down in history,” and a final visit to Karma. They broke bread one more time at a family dinner and had an epic water fight that ended with Deena being thrown in the hot tub.

Then one by one it was time for the crew to leave the shore house, which was in complete shambles. First out the door were Sam and Ron, who deserve a big bravo for their lack of fighting this season. They may just make it after all.  Roger arrived with flowers to swoop JWOWW away; then Mike left alone, with no one shedding a tear.

Next there was a knock Vinny knew, and it was indeed his mom, who looked horrified by the house’s conditions. He and Pauly D’s goodbye was adorable, and it baffles me I how I can feel such fondness for two completely sleazy womanizers. But I do.

The first meatball to roll was Deena, followed by Pauly D, who barely fit in the packed car. Then Snooki stood alone. So she did what she does best and got drunk and started saying goodbye to the duck phone and all of the STDs and piss stains in the house. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Then her pops showed up to whisk her away and back to reality. “What am I going to do with my life now?” she wondered, saying she’d like to come back to the shore house every summer until she’s 90. We’ll see how she feels about EVER coming back given her new bambino or bambina on the way.

What did you think of the finale of Jersey Shore? What will you do on Thursday nights now?

Image via MTV

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