'Jersey Shore' Season 5 Premiere Recap: Vinny Can't Go Home!

Jersey Shore Season 5It was ciao! to Italy as Jersey Shore Season 5 kicked off with the crew heading back to their homeland in Seaside Heights. They were giddy with excitement to once again have all the comforts of home at their greedy guido and guidette fingertips.

They immediately gorged on the things they missed, like tanning (“I’m tanorexic, bro,” Pauly D proclaimed), pickles (are there really no pickles in Italy?), Ron Ron Juice, and the gym. Aw, home sweet dysfunctional home. It was like Italy never happened ... only it did. And what came out in Italy wasn’t going to stay in Italy if Mike had anything to do with it.


What a sad “Situation” he is. It’s pretty clear he and Snooki did sleep together at some point while Snooki was with Jionni. Snooki wouldn’t be as defensive and nervous as she is if nothing happened, but wow what an ass Mike is. He has no reason to hold the whole thing over her head other than he likes to cause trouble and is an attention whore. Not that it's any big surprise, but tonight he aspired to whole new level of low and loathsome.

“This is a hurricane situation, and it’s headed straight for Snooki Island,” he said with all the maturity of a second grader. His friend, “Unit,” supposedly witnessed the whole event, so he’s in on the game too. Besides having a similarly stupid nickname, he’s almost as abhorrent and cringe-inducing as Mike.

Snooki tried her best to keep Jionni away from them, and even apologized to Unit for going off on him at the big reunion party. But they're not going to stop. She may as well just come clean with Jionni because they’re going taunt her with their supposed information until he knows.

It’s too bad Mike isn’t the one considering leaving. If it was him, I’d be cheering him on to do just that. His shtick is old, and he's just ridiculous. Vinny, however, would leave a huge gaping hole.

He was in a serious funk after being away from his family in Italy, and when he saw them at the reunion party, it just deepened it. Not even a new haircut could cheer poor Vinny up. “I’ve got nothing left to give man, I want to go home,” he said sadly in the closing scene.

Sure, it’s the same old crap, and sure it’s getting old, but it would be a lot less entertaining without him. He and Pauly D are a team, and one of the best parts of the show. Despite the way they treat women and the fact that they say things like, “Everybody rides her, just like a bus route,” of Ryder, after sleeping with her, they’re pretty good guys at heart. Most importantly, they’re funny as hell. Things just went be the same without Vinny, and this season of Jersey Shore will tank without him.

Hopefully he sticks it out and finds his way out of this funk. Maybe he needs another visit from his mama and a few home-cooked meals, a little more time in the tanning booth, or a few smush sessions. Whatever. But he just can't leave. Can he?

Would you be sad to see Vinny leave? Can you imagine the show without him? Do you think Mike is a huge jerk?

Image via MTV

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