'Charlie's Angels' Premiere Recap: Best Watched on Mute

Charlie's AngelsAfter much anticipation, the remake of Charlie's Angels premiered tonight -- 35 years after the original series that swept the nation. In sum: It was pretty good ... if you watched it on mute.

First the good news: The new angels (Minka Kelly, Rachael Taylor, and Annie Ilonzeh) are sexy, feisty, and tough as hell. It was action-packed, sexified with modern technology, and there was no dumpy angel that no one would want to be at playtime (sorry, Sabrina). Bosley (Ramon Rodriguez) is now hot instead of old and pudgy, and there was action from the get-go. Things at least looked good.

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The bad news: Pretty much all of the dialogue in the entire episode. It was painful, forced, cheesy, silly, you name it. Not that the original series was filled with prolific prose, but I don't remember it being this unbearably awful. Maybe I was just so distracted by Farrah Fawcett's hair, which I coveted, that my memory is skewed, but I don't think it was this bad. If it was, they somehow pulled it off a whole lot better. Here are seven of the lamest lines of the premiere episode to give you an idea just how bad it was:

1. After angel Gloria is killed off in a car explosion, Abby exclaims: "I never thought my heart could hurt this much."

2. When Abby and Kate rescued a girl who remarked that they didn't look like cops, they answered together: "We're not; we're angels."

3. Abby to a guy she bumped into in a bar on purpose: "Sorry, I managed to kill your martini and mortally wound your shirt."

4. Eve: "Bosley has mad hacking skills."

5. Abby after Gloria is wheeled off: "We’re going to find out who did this if it’s the last thing we do." (Abby seemingly got the bulk of the bad lines.)

6. Kate: "Abby puts the 'cat' in cat burglar."

7. Charlie: "I need to know you're up for the fight." Abby: "Bring it on."

A certain amount of cheese was to be expected, but not this fromage feast. As much as I wanted to love it, I just couldn’t get over the corny lines being spewed from the angels’ mouths. And it wasn't supposed to be funny. Maybe it will get better; I want it to get better. But if tonight's episode is any indication, these angels aren't going to have wings for long.

Did you watch the premiere of the new Charlie's Angles? What did you think?


Image via ABC

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