'Survivor: South Pacific' Should Be the Last Season

There are some shows that seem like their seasons are all too short, and then there are shows like Survivor. Much like American Idol, Survivor seems like it's ALWAYS on, no matter what time of year it is or how recently the last season came to its endless, insufferable conclusion. Which is to say, surprise! Survivor: South Pacific starts up again on Wednesday, September 14, and the 16 new castaways have officially been announced.

I can't lie, I'm sure we'll be watching, but being as how this is the 23rd Survivor edition, the formula is starting to feel a little—okay, a lot—old.


Among the contestants are two beauty pageant queens, a country singer, a law student, a mortician, a bartender/lingerie football player, a medical marijuana dispenser, a cattle rancher, a retired NYPD detective, and a "spoken word artist." I'm pretty sure we've seen all these people before in various Survivor incarnations, and I'm certain we can predict at least a few tried-and-true Survivor scenes. The detective will butt heads with the pot dispenser, the law student will boast about his superior strategy skills, the cattle rancher will become known for his amusing yee-haw colloquialisms, and the hot chicks will wear bikinis.

Also, I'm guessing the "word artist" will perform some of her YouTube poetry. Gahhhhhh:

This season will continue the Redemption Island formula, although the Redemption duels will now be limited to two contestants instead of three. Also, because Survivor just can't get enough of notorious villain Russell Hantz, Hantz's nephew Brandon Hantz has joined the cast. Will he be as conniving and obnoxious as his uncle? Hard to say, but they're teeing him up as a nice kid who's a "team player." I wouldn't be surprised, though, if there's a SHOCKING SURVIVOR DEVELOPMENT™ in this guy's character partway through the season.

Once again, each tribe will include a surprise former Survivor veteran, which the network is keeping under wraps until later this week. A quick Internet search, however, reveals overwhelming reports that Ben “Coach” Wade and Oscar “Ozzy” Lusth are the two stars in question. If this is true, it's good and bad news: good because Ozzy was always fun to watch (and it might be interesting to see if anyone brings up his post-Survivor porn career), bad because Coach was horrifically annoying and the combination of him with the spoken word artist may just cause my television to commit ritual suicide.

All in all, it sounds like more of the same from the Survivor front, which is too bad, considering the relative weakness of the last couple of seasons. Personally, I think it's time to either change the game or retire the show in favor of something new—but I also fully admit to my hypocrisy, because I'm sure my household will be tuning in to see how it all plays out.

Will you be watching Survivor: South Pacific? What do you think about the rumors that Ozzy and Coach will be on board?

Image via CBS

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