Rachel Uchitel's Inevitable Reality Show Will Be Awesome

rachel uchitelI bet Rachel Uchitel is pretty peeved she has to give Tiger Woods back the lion's share of the $10 million he gave her to keep her quiet about their little (read: big time) affair. Rach just wasn't keeping her mouth shut enough to have earned the settlement, so her lawyers are telling her it's time to give the cash back, you Chatty Cathy you. Rachel is arguing about returning the dough and about her lawyer Gloria Allred's legal fees, but who can focus on those banal details when we have something so exciting to discuss!

Now that Rachel's not legally bound nor contractually held nor being paid to shut the ef up ... I smell a reality show!!! Trash TV lovers rejoice!

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It's only a matter of time before Rachel realizes that she's broke, talentless, and in need of some legit income. What was she doing again before she was banging Tiger? Some sort of club promoting? Well, whatever it was, you know it wasn't bringing in the big bucks like the interest from $10 million in the bank, so she's gonna have to come up with a new plan.

And a desperate, fame-seeking woman like Rachel is going to go straight for the Soap Net. Or the Style Network. Or if she's lucky, VH1. She's already done Celeb Rehab 4, so maybe VH1 will throw her a bone and give her own show. And really, to make it interesting, all it would have to be is Rachel sitting on a couch, staring at the camera, telling us all the sordid details about her raunchy hook-ups with Tiger. I'd watch. I wouldn't DVR it, but I'd watch it.

A tell-all book can't be too far behind, either. Maybe she'll "write" the book while the reality TV cameras capture her process, all the while sharing her stories about Tiger ... then the show's premiere coincides with the book's release date. It's the stuff PR dreams are made of!

I can't wait for the dirt to start flying. Can you?

Photo via VH1.com

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