20 Savvy 'Brady Bunch' Life Lessons to Live By

Brady BunchWow, Sherwood Schwartz, creator and songwriter for two of the best television shows ever made -- The Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island -- has died today at age 94. Schwartz died of natural causes in his sleep, surrounded by his family. RIP, Sherwood Schwartz. You have no idea how many significant lessons you have left so many of us!

The Brady Bunch rocked my adolescence. I watched a heck of a lot of TV in the 1970s (not much has changed), but I watched every single episode of the squeaky clean, ever-moral Brady Bunch just a few years before I turned into the dark, cynical being I am today. (Imagine how I might have turned out had I not had that wholesome Brady foundation!)

Today, while mining through the memories of my sarcasm- and mockery-filled mind, I realized just how many Brady-fied lessons I have carried with me for a lifetime. They may not be the lessons I was supposed to learn from The Brady Bunch, but they are still deeply rooted inside me.


20 Life Lessons Learned on The Brady Bunch

  1. Every meaningful lesson in life starts with a boys against girls challenge. Game on!
  2. If shit goes missing around your house, look in the doghouse first.
  3. If the dog goes missing, it's because you didn't get him neutered -- and he's shacking up with his Doggy Mama next door.
  4. Good God! Never wear a bracelet if you're in a house of cards contest (especially a boys against girls one!).
  5. Sometimes "trouble with math" is just a symptom of "hot for teacher."
  6. Boys-only clubhouses are the perfect place to start when it comes to fighting gender inequality. Screw that crap! I'm already sewing pink curtains in my mind ...
  7. To figure out if your six able-bodied kids can do for free what you've been paying the live-in maid to do for years, all it takes is one strategically placed Chinese checkers game piece outside the maid's living quarters.
  8. Maids have needs too, and sometimes only a butcher can fulfill them.
  9. WATCH OUT! Important blueprints and posters of cartoon characters look extraordinarily similar when placed inside a tube.
  10. If a bully teases a family member about her lisp, sock him in the mouth until he lisps too.
  11. If you dress like a tomboy, a little girly fashion advice from the frumpy maid can make boys like you.
  12. Getting a first place trophy for "trying the hardest" is bogus no matter how you look at it, but when it comes from your own family, it's pretty much the lamest thing ever.
  13. If you're a stay-at-home mom with a live-in maid, you're already pretty dang liberated even if you pretend not to be with that hair.
  14. The guy in the neckbrace in court is faking it.
  15. Go ahead and wear a wig and big sunglasses to a party and try to act like a cool young starlet. But don't think people won't recognize you -- or that they won't mask their mockery of you in compliments about your pretty natural hair.
  16. Hawaii is full of curses and tarantulas (and tourist-driven racism).
  17. Never fall victim to a hair tonic pyramid scheme.
  18. Pork chops totally go with applesauce.
  19. Some families really can practice impossibly mind-numbing moral values without ever taking a drink.
  20. In life, you really only need one solid theme song. Just jazz it up in good times and bring on the melancholy flute version in sad times.

What important life lessons do you carry with you from The Brady Bunch?


Image via Amazon

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