'Survivor: Redemption Island' Recap: There's No Crying In Survivor!

Russell CryingLast night's episode of Survivor: Redemption Island was one for the history books, kids. We start the episode with the producers just teasing us. All we want to do is go to Redemption Island and see what happens with Russell. But no, we first have to see Phillip still annoying people – sweeping the Ometepe camp at the crack of dawn (you're sweeping dirt!), marching around in his magenta tidy-whiteys, which as Jedi Rob mentions, is just disgusting.

Phillip knows he’s sucking at the social game aspect. But there is nothing he can do because, say it with me, he's crazypants. Over at Zapatera, Ralph reveals to  his alliance he has the hidden immunity idol.  And we see a few of them speak for the first time. FYI, I'm liking the under the radar stra-tee-gery of David.  

Finally,  they take us to Redemption Idol. I don't know if I'm more excited to see Russell win and keep his Evil Mojo going -- or watch him be voted out for the first time ever.


Remember, Russell was sent to Redemption Island last episode to duel it out with Matt. But (insert little giggle), he's not expecting Matt. He's expecting to see Francesca. Is he shocked? Who knows. He plays to the camera as only Russell can.

So, two members from each tribe are sent to watch the duel: Phillip and Kristina from Ometepe and Ralph and Sarita from Zapatera. The Russell vs. Matt challenge: I call it The Domino Dominance. They have to arrange domino-like stones along a course, avoiding tripwires that could topple it all. Once the stones are set up, they have to trigger them to go until the last stone hits a ball that rolls onto a tile. Both Russell and Matt attempt a trigger run, but both of them fail and both have to start over. Matt tries again first – and wins! Russell will be heading home.

And then Russell cried.

Think quivering lip. Think tears. Think whimpering sounds. THEN, Russell Hantz goes off. Russell tells -- in front of two from the other tribe, mind you -- that his tribe lost the challenge on purpose (which they did). That he’s a "professional quarterback playing with a bunch of peewee-leaguers." In this tirade, he gets Ralph so hot under the buff, Ralph almost shows everyone his hidden immunity idol. Ralph tries to pass it off as he was faking, but Russell doesn’t let it die.  At some point, Phillip manages again to remind everyone that he "discerns lies for a living," but no one is paying attention because Russell is still on the rampage. Russell tells Phillip and Kristina to tell their tribe to look out for Sarita, Steve and Mike.

And then Russell burns his buff and is out of the game. Russell, the most despised villain in Survivor history is gone. The man who made it to the finals twice is gone. He says this was his last attempt at the million dollar prize, but never say say and never -- and never trust what Russell says.

While all of this is going on, at Ometepe, Jedi Rob wants to find the hidden immunity idol ASAP with Kristina and Phillip gone at the duel. He convinces his minions to head to the beach to play some made-up game, and he fakes tummy issues to head back to camp, where he frantically searches. Does he find it? Is there any question? He is Jedi Rob!

Ralph and Sarita come back and inform Zapaterians on all of the the shee-ite that went down. At Ometepe, Phillip, in his infinite wisdom (yes, that was sarcastic), comes back and wants to keep "the intel" they learned at Redemption Island  from Jedi Rob and the minions. He tries a sort of blackmail tactic, which Jedi Rob won't let last more than a nanosecond. Phillip proceeds to spill the beans. Everybody knows everything.

Immunity/reward challenge time! This one is like an obstacle course for the handyman in all of us -- with fantastic product placement with Sears Craftsman tools. Zapatera wins. Ralph does some sort of rooster crow. They get to celebrate with BBQ feast.

So, Ometepe has to head to tribal council. Though, as Jedi Rob says "the malice is palpable" toward Phillip, he knows Kristina is a bigger threat to his game. The minions, including head minion Grant, really want Phillip gone, but Jedi Rob uses The Force once again. He gets his way: Kristina is booted out and heads to Redemption Island.

What did you think of last night's Survivor: Redemption Island?

Image via CBS

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