'American Idol' Top 24 Recap: In Which J. Lo Is on Drugs

J. Lo, american idolI think we all have high hopes for American Idol this week. The remaining 61 contestants are going to be narrowed down to the classic American Idol Top 24 using a method and a stage so new to us, the viewer, that we can hardly control our excitement. A Beatles sing-off on a Vegas stage, then a judging panel in an airplane hangar? Yes please.

A few things to review. First, I am very annoyed that we haven't seen Nashville crooner Paul McDonald before, because E, I, E, I, O that boy can sing. He's a hot Damien Rice with some Ray LaMontagne thrown in for soul. Where has he been all my life? And secondly, is J. Lo on pills?


Back to Paul for a moment. How upset are you that we had to sit through hours of Idol auditions, had to listen to tone-deaf kids with sob stories, and visit their burnt-down houses/schools/families, while in the meantime, the producers were hiding Paul in their back pocket? What a waste of our time! Less crazy like Ashley Sullivan, and more talent, like Paul.

Oh. And let's talk about Paul's Nudie suit. If he didn't have me with his rendition of "Blackbird," he knocked my socks off when he showed up wearing that white suit with red flowers. And I know I'm not alone, because Paul McDonald was a trending topic on Twitter last night, so I know y'all feel me.

On to J. Lo, aka Cry Babies McGees. She was so emotional, it was like she had swallowed some Vicodin with her glass of vodka. Listen, I love J. Lo so much that I'm not convinced I wouldn't take a bullet for her, but last night got a little tedious. BUCK UP, J. LO. (Or sober up?) Cheese and rice. The second hour was all about how J. Lo's gold-plated heart broke every time she had to break the news that, hey, you suck, and you're outta here. HOWEVER. However. however. I am very happy to see Chris Medina go. Am I going to hell? Maybe. But that Coldplay song he sung was unrecognizable, and the boy is just not that great. They did him a favor by cutting him loose. But J. Lo seemed to make it more about her than about Chris, which kinda bothered me. She was downright inconsolable, and the cliffhanger for tonight's episode was all, "Will J. Lo be able to go on?" Puh lease. Wipe those gorgeous glittery tears from your sculpted cheek bones and tell these kids to pack their ish up and go. She needs to think, as I do every time I want to reject someone -- WWSD? What Would Simon Do? And then you put on a tight black tee, and you gut 'em.

One more thing. Where was my Gus Gus?? I need Jacee Badeaux in every episode. He better play a big role in tonight's show. And I am so peeved his nemesis and therefore mine, Clint Coke Bottle Glasses, made it through. That kid annoys me and I hope he gets voted off FIRST.

Tonight we'll find out the top 24! Hopefully J. Lo can woman-up.

What did you think of last night's episode?

Photo via YouTube

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