'Real Housewives of Miami' Premiere Recap: More Fizzle Than Sizzle

Real Housewives of MiamiThere was so much promise for the The Real Housewives of Miami to be totally hot, but last night's premiere episode was lukewarm at best. Perhaps they're just off to a slow start, but when they take time out to show one of the Housewives throwing grapes into her son's mouth, and "wild" is considered strutting down a runway after a fashion show, I'm worried for this season.

Overall, they seem to be a nicer, kinder variety of Housewives, which is good for humanity and all, but devoid of the insane drama we've come to expect from our Housewives. While previews for upcoming episodes provide some glimpses of controversy, I'm not so sure they're going to deliver. Comments Lea Black, the matriarch of the group, made to the Miami Herald confirm this suspicion:


I wouldn’t say that it’s hair-pulling, table-flipping drama. I would say that it’s a different type of drama, but I think people would be fascinated with the characters. Many of them are very witty, and everybody has their own quirky personalities. It’ll be all about Miami, how fabulous Miami is, the best of Miami.

And yes, more than anything, last night's show made me want to pack my bags and move to Miami. They paint a pretty fabulous picture of life there, which I guess isn't hard to do when you have bazillions of dollars.

But regardless of how dismal the show looks, if you're a Housewives addict like me, you won't be able to look away anyway. So we might as well dissect who we'll be watching:

Lea Black The aforementioned matriarch likes to collect people and throw parties. She's entertained by eccentric personalities and is friends with Dennis Rodman. Her fashion choices -- including some really bad mom jeans -- are shameful given her mega wealth.

Larsa Pippen She's lovely and just so busy taking care of herself, her kids, and husband Scottie Pippen. Her mission in life: "to always look cute."

Adriana De Moura With a divorce story that's right from the pages of a beach novel, she told the ladies how she found out her ex-husband was cheating on her: A phone call from his other wife who told her of the 3-month-old son she had with Adriana's husband. She's been dubbed the "wild" one and did the strutting down the catwalk (gasp!) and danced between a couple of young guys. I hope she brings more wild than that.

Alexia Echevarria This "Cuban Barbie" is fascinating and a bit disturbing to watch for long periods of time as she really does look like a Barbie doll. She also kind of talks like you would imagine a Barbie doll would. She has two teenage sons who she has to manage -- particularly when it comes to their diet and explaining things like what grass-fed beef is to them.

Cristy Rice The other basketball wife, or rather ex-basketball-wife, as she recently split from NBA star Glen Rice. She seems like the sweetest of them all, but I am sensing an inner bitch that may come out from time to time ... here's to hoping anyway.

Marysol Patton This cougar is dating a Frenchman 10 years her junior. Her mother Elsa, whom she goes to for love advice, is my favorite character, and she may be a witch. "You're trying to trap him," she told her daughter in a thick Cuban accent.

They've got the makings for a good show, now here's to hoping they turn up the heat soon!

What did you think of the premiere of The Real Housewives of Miami? Will you keep watching?

Image via bravotv.com

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