'Survivor Nicaragua' Recap: Two Strong Players Sent Home

This week's episode opens with a familiar scene: Espada, enduring miserable weather. It's day 13 and Dan has apparently taken over where NaOnka left off, because now he's the one bitching about how he's tired of being wet and cold and he's maybe sort of ready to go home.

Where did they find these lily-livered softhands, is what I want to know. The show is called SURVIVOR, is it not?


At La Flor, Marty's talking with Jill about how weird it is to be the responsible older members of the predominantly young tribe. "I feel like I fell into Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," he says.

Meanwhile, Brenda's doing the equivalent of twirling a handlebar mustache to the camera, musing about how three people need to vote for Jill and three for Marty, thus hopefully flushing out the idol while guaranteeing the departure of at least one of the people she wants gone.

When exactly did she morph into the tribe puppetmaster? I feel like I got distracted by admiring her perky nose and cute pigtails and BAM!—girlfriend turns into Russell Hantz.

Challenge time! This one's for individual immunity, because both tribes are going to tribal council tonight. The tribes compete for one winner from each, then they battle each other for tribe reward, which is the opportunity to sit in on the other tribe's tribal council while eating a bunch of food. Holly, surprisingly, handily wins for Espada, and Jill wins for La Flor.

Jill beats Holly for tribe reward, and back at La Flor, everyone's excited about the upcoming feast so they do a goofy little group cheer. Brenda sneers to the camera that the cheer was totally fake (because Brenda apparently hasn't noticed how everyone's collarbones look like clothes hangers and thus can't fathom that they might be legitimately stoked about being able to eat something other than half a fish eyeball) and mentions that her plan is screwed because of Jill's immunity. No worries, though, because she'll just get people to vote for Kelly B. instead.

Why Kelly B.? Because of that sympathy-inducing artificial leg, of course. Since everyone just sits around feeling so sorry for ass-kicking, name-taking Kelly B. and all. Bah.

Marty starts cuddling up to Fabio, wooing him to his side. He tells Fabio he's a grandmaster of chess, then asks if Fabio knows what that is. "Um," says Fabio, "I've heard of Bobby Fischer."

Fabio, to the camera: "He said he was a grandmaster of chess and I was like, duh, of course! It makes perfect sense! He's always thinking about the numbers game!"

Marty, to the camera: "Yeah, I'm SO not a grandmaster of chess."

Oh, Fabio.

Back at Espada, Dan's still complaining about the rain or whatever. "I have a Range Rover and a Ferrari, I don't need the money," he says. Too bad all that money couldn't buy you a pair of balls, Dan.

Tribal council! It's La Flor's turn first, and Brenda and Marty get into it, with Brenda saying that Jane should worry about Marty and Jill voting her out, and Marty frantically denying it. Marty turns to Jane to furiously mouth, "VOTE BRENDA," which Jane ignores because, hello, she's a Brenda-bot now and she's totally voting for Marty.

Will Marty play his immunity idol? There's the requisite long dramatic pause as the camera stares him down ... but no, he doesn't use it. Wow. I guess he's got Dan's nutsack and then some, because I can't believe he's taking this chance.

The votes come in, and there's a tie between Marty and Kelly B. Marty's sweating bullets. Kelly B. has that signature raised-eyebrow HOLY CRAP I JUST GOT BLINDSIDED look. They vote again and I'm convinced Marty's going to go this time, because if Brenda couldn't get him to use the idol, now's the time to get rid of him, right?

Wrong! The votes come trickling in and in the end, it's Kelly B. who gets sent packing.

La Flor retires to slobber over their food while Espada files in, groaning in misery at the sight of the opposing tribe pigging out. Yve tries one last time to pitch her value to the tribe, and Alina points out that they have to choose between a weak player and a strong competitor who may beat them later. Sure enough, Yve gets voted out, and that's that.

Well, I don't know about you, but I was a little disgusted with both votes tonight. Kelly B. deserved better than to be constantly targeted because of her leg, and Dan should have been sent home on the grounds of being a whiny bag of douche and bragging about his stupid cars.

I am, however, looking forward to how things shake out between Marty and Brenda. They're clearly the two power players at this point, and now they hate each other. Sweet. Come on, Survivor drama!

Image via CBS

Read More >