'True Blood' Recap: You Know I Love You More When You're Cold and Heartless

Russell on True Blood
Tears of Happiness
The penultimate episode of Season 3 of True Blood aired last night with the action amping up and the writers frantically attempting to wrap up some of the story lines. There was fleeting talk of a fresh start between Sookie and Bill, but before any of us can begin anew, we need to deal with the lovely, gory mess that’s been unfurled by True Blood’s writers this season.

There are still many unanswered questions, from the humdrum like: When will Sookie pull a shift at Merlotte’s again? She hasn’t put on her apron all season. To the loftier questions, like: Who is the superior race -- vampires or humans? (Or fairies? Or werewolves? Or witches? Or werepanthers?) To the heart of the matter: When will Sookie and Eric finally make some nookie?

So, with just the finale left, let’s see how Season 3’s stories are shaping up and make some predictions for the finale

  1. Vampire Politics -- It looks like the King of Louisiana, Russell, will meet the sun next week. But what happened to the Queen of Louisiana, Sophie-Anne? After seeming integral to the plot in the first few episodes, the Queen has left the building.
  2. Jesus and Lafayette -- Nobody on True Blood has simple romantic relationships, so we all knew things between Jesus and Lafayette would get complicated. But, this introduction of black magic just seems a set-up for next season when we’ve been promised witches will play a central role.
  3. Werewolves -- Werewolves were supposed to be central to this season, but where are they now? Specifically, where is hunky Alcide? I had high hopes for something more than just some sexual tension between Alcide and Sookie. But, Sookie seems to have forgotten Alcide just like the writers seem to have forgotten about the werewolves.  
  4. Jason and Crystal -- Big reveal last night: Crystal is a werepanther. Jason comes to terms with her freakiness, saying, “No one in this town is what they’re supposed to be.” Very astute, Jason. The only thing left to figure out now is what’s going to happen when the DEA raids the meth labs at Hotshot? I have a feeling there’s going be some claws coming out in this showdown.
  5. Jessica and Hoyt sitting in a tree, S-U-C-K-I-N-G -- Jessica and Hoyt are back together. No surprise there. We find out Hoyt’s mom was behind a plot to distract Hoyt from Jessica. Ho hum. I like Jessica’s character, but this relationship does nothing for me. If I were cutting superfluous subplots, this one would get the axe.
  6. Eric’s Revenge -- Viking Eric avenged the death of his parents, but will he pay the ultimate price for getting his revenge? With Eric and Russell handcuffed together and melting in the sun, we were left with a cliffhanger. But, come on, we all know Eric will live. He has to. And that's not just my libido talking.
  7. Cousin Hadley -- Hadley made several appearances this season, but like the werewolves and her sugar mama Sophie-Anne, Hadley’s story fizzled out. We last saw her running away with her telepathic son -- when and where will Hadley resurface? My guess: Not until Season 4.
  8. Sookie and Bill -- We see the two daydreaming about a “normal” life together -- Sookie will be a wealthy real estate agent and Bill will be a third grade teacher. Then BAM! Russell and Eric show up and ruin any hopes of normalcy. Will Sookie give Bill another chance? Not likely.
  9. Sookie and Eric -- All season we’ve been teased with sexy daydreams and hot kisses between these two. Not to mention, Eric's naked bottom was a nice way to start the season. But, disappointingly, Eric and Sooks never really got together. Now with Eric taking Sookie hostage and offering her blood to Russell, I see little chance of reconciliation this season. Not exactly the way to win over a reluctant lover -- maybe next time he’ll try roses and chocolates.
  10. Arlene’s Demon Baby -- Arlene had a spiritual abortion in the woods with Holly and lost her baby. Oh, wait, no she didn’t. What exactly is this baby she’s carrying? Holly’s words will likely turn out to be prophetic: “If the spirit was meant to be born, it will be born. Nothing we can do about it.” Lock your doors residents of Bon Temps. Something evil is coming your way in about 7 months.
  11. Sam's Dark Past -- Sam is not the good guy we all thought he was. Did we really need to go here? With Jason in a dark place, Sam was our last remaining bit of good in Bon Temps. Now with Sam gone to the dark side, our only moments of lightness and levity come from twisted sex scenes and decapitated heads. You are a sick man, Mr. Ball.
  12. Tara -- Oh Tara, what are we going to do with you? She seems to be the unluckiest gal in Bon Temps. First her true love, Eggs, is killed. Then she rebounds with a lunatic vampire who can text really fast and rapes her. Then she sleeps with Mean Sam. Maybe it will be revealed that Tara is actually some supernatural creature whose power is being attracted to really bad men? Otherwise, I don't have much empathy left for Tara.
  13. Sookie Is a Faerie -- "How fucking lame." Sookie is a faerie who can channel natural energy and zap vampires with her light force. Her blood is “supernatural sunscreen” and in high demand. So, how come she always ends up being held captive by vamps? Come on Sook, learn to channel that power. In the words of Yoda, "Much to learn, you still have."

What stories are you most looking forward to seeing resolved in the finale (in 2 weeks)?

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