"The Hills" Starts Tonight! Our Predictions for Season 6

the hills
Photo from MTV
The final season of The Hills premieres tonight, and reality star Kristin Cavallari has announced that MTV has added an extra 12 episodes for a total of 24. That's a whole lotta awkward pauses, if you know what I mean? While I obsess over whether to watch Cavallari, Heidi Montag, and friends or Parenthood (thank heavens for DVR!), check out our predictions for Season 6.

  • The producers tease us with a Speidi divorce all season -- which never happens. America's most awful couple remains intact, although Montag's fake plastic face falls off when she fake cries about the fake breakup.
  • Audrina Patridge's new boyfriend Ryan Cabrera makes a comeback and has a hit single. My husband confiscates my iTunes.
  • Lauren Conrad returns! All is right with the world.
  • LO looks great, does nothing.
  • Someone gives Justin-Bobby a third first name. He grunts in approval.
  • Spencer Pratt wins an award for Best Grammar. His very recent Twitter attack on Conrad includes spell-checked gems like this: "What don't you do a show abbot [sic] you trying to be entertaining? You can't compete against snookie and situation ha! U are boring."
  • Conrad's ex Jason Wahler returns and gets a DUI -- oh wait, that's my prediction for his real life.
  • Brody Jenner pretends to rekindle his romance with Cavallari but -- surprise! -- he's really dating Avril Lavigne. They ride skateboards.
  • The producers prepare us for a tearful The Hills finale, but in reality, the stars are contracted for 47 more seasons. The show returns this September and every September from now until the end of time.

Do you have any predictions for Season 6 of The Hills?

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