Mom Refuses To Let Daughter Stay at Sister's Polyamorous 'Love House'


love house

Finding child care can be rough, but sometimes you get lucky and have a family member who is willing to lend a hand. Of course, not all help is the same. Just take it from one woman, who is happy to have her sister take care of her 4-year-old daughter -- but only at her house. That's because her sister lives in a special block of apartments that is "like a membership club for people interested in polyamory," and the mom was sort of freaked out when her sister asked if she could start caring for her daughter at her own home.

  • Lucky for the mom, she and her sister live in the same city.

    That is why she's been able to pay her sister to watch her daughter in the mornings and early afternoons, while her sister is out of work. In a post on Reddit (that has since been deleted), the mom explained that so far, babysitting has taken place at her house.

    "But recently asked if my husband can just drop daughter off at her place when he goes to work," she wrote. "This way [my sister] could stay at home and not have to drive."

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  • But her sister's special living arrangement makes her nervous.

    In her sister's polyamorous community, they each have their own apartments "but [with] shared communal spaces to congregate with the other residents."

    "It is a real residential building but a VERY sexually charged place," she added. "They have erotic art on the walls and costumes and things displayed in the communal areas."

    The community also hosts "play parties," "which are essentially orgies." There's also a pretty high turnover in residents. "People come in and out all the time," the mom explained.

  • Her sister and her sister's husband are basically like RAs of the community. 

    They perform light administrative duties like "casual counseling and conflict resolution-type things" for rent reduction. 

    "As a result I’m extremely uncomfortable having my daughter there because I’m worried strangers will be flitting in and out of their place OR my daughter could be taken around the building with those people," the mom continued.

  • When the mom voiced her concerns, her sister was "extremely offended."

    Her sister thought she was being "judgmental of her lifestyle choices and that it’s not a dangerous space for children as families are allowed to live there," the mom wrote. 

    But the mom wasn't convinced. 

    "I could see this really blowing up and hurting our relationship but I also don’t want my daughter there. AITA?"

  • Most people agreed: This was probably not the best environment for a child.

    "If you don't feel safe to leave your child there then you shouldn't feel pressured to say you do because you don't want to hurt your sister's feelings," one commenter wrote. "Also, you don't know the strangers as well, so it's reasonable for you to feel uneasy about leaving your daughter in a place where strangers frequent."

    A second commenter also had concerns:

    "Putting aside the erotic art, you have the issue of the communal spaces. Where will she be playing? Who are the people she will be coming in contact with? If turn over is high, how are these people being vetted? Will your sister's duties at the complex interfere with her focusing on her job of watching your daughter? These are all questions that need to be answered and has nothing to do with her sexual lifestyle choices."

    "Here’s the thing -- I’m a parent and I am perfectly comfortable with someone accusing me of being judgmental or a [expletive] or a snob if it means I’m keeping my kids safe from things I deem a danger," a third person wrote. "If me saying ‘no’ ruins that person’s image of me forever, I’m cool with that, and you have to learn to be cool with that, too."

  • A few people thought the mom was being judgmental.

    "Personally, I think you’re being kind of judgmental and 'clasping your pearls' over this," one commenter wrote. "But it’s your kid and your choice."

    A second person agreed:

    "Her description of the atmosphere hardly sounds like something overtly sexual that would scar or even register to a young child. And the sister isn't trying to stay home to do extra work, she just doesn't want 80 minutes of daily commute. You're not comfortable with that lifestyle, that's fine -- it's not for everyone. But implying that it's not safe for a child -- how could sister not be hurt? Just because they're open with sex doesn't make them predators."

    "You make a lot of points that have nothing to do with babysitting your child," a third commenter agreed. "They are polyamorous, not child molesters and rapists. Nothing in the above suggests they are going to do anything harmful to your child. Stop judging others just because they live differently than you do."

  • The mom wrote that it's not about judging the lifestyle -- it's about keeping her daughter safe.

    "I know there won’t be orgies while my daughter is there (she said it’s only on certain weekend nights) and I do trust her to be a good caregiver," the mom admitted later in the thread. "It’s just that I don’t like my daughter in that kind of environment, even if my sister is there to watch over her."

    She added that it's that specific apartment complex that is the issue, not that her sister is polyamorous. "I’m not trying to control their love lives," she wrote.