15 Children's Books With Majorly Questionable Titles

15 Children's Books With Majorly Questionable Titles
Image: iStock


iStock

As a "good parent" we spend lots of money on books. How else are the kids supposed to get into Harvard? Parents often spend tons of time at the library and bookstores. Yet, while reading all of those stories, almost on autopilot, do all parents stop to actually digest those stories? Really understand the words on the pages?

When most people browse books to buy, they often literally judge a book by its cover, which is unfortunately for some children's books that have some majorly shady-sounding titles. Seriously, who made these decisions?! Despite their titles, many of these books are still totally fine to read to little ones and then there are those that parents should use a little more caution around. Here are 15 totally inappropriately titled children's books that actually exist.

  • 'Do You Want To Play With My Balls?' 

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    Do You Want To Play With My Balls? is fun for the whole family -- for different reasons. It's full of innocence and irreverence, it's to the point, sentimental and completely asinine. While the title is obviously questionable, the book is visually stunning, brought to life with brightly colored images -- and can be safely read to kids. They'll laugh like idiots because parents will be gasping for air from laughing so hard. It's 100% inappropriate but 100% worth it.

  • 'I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much' 

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    In I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much a young girl shares her feelings and frustrations about her alcoholic father's behavior. While this is an unexpected topic and not one we'd normally discuss with children, for children of parents with addiction, this book could be the thing that makes them feel not so alone.

  • 'Who Cares About Elderly People?' 

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    The Who Cares series helps children to learn about themselves, their world, and their responsibilities. It's supposed to foster caring, sharing, and loving instincts, but the title is a little misleading. Obviously, we should care about Grandma and Grandpa, too.

  • 'The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts' 

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    While it's not really an appropriate topic to discuss around the dinner table The Gas We Pass is a reassuring and funny title that gives curious kids a straightforward, relatable look at a natural body function: farting. Next time your kid loses her mind because "one slipped past the goalie" or she "released the Kraken" this seemingly inappropriate book can help explain how and why gas is produced and eliminated.

  • 'Monsters Eat Whiny Children'

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    How many times could this book have come in handy during the preschooler years? Monsters Eat Whiny Children is a cautionary tale about exactly what it sounds like: whiny children being eaten by monsters. Luckily for the complaining children in this book, the plan is delayed when there are too many cooks in the monster kitchen and the kids escape. This book is great, in theory, if parents don't mind co-sleeping until their children go away to college.

  • 'The Night Dad Went to Jail'

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    When a parent goes to jail, a kid might feel lost, scared, or mad. This bizarre and colorfully illustrated book lets children know that they're not alone. For as strange and inappropriate as it seems, for a kid whose parent is in jail, it offers explanations to help with difficult conversations. 

  • 'Polly Paints a Penis' 

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    The author, Bob Staake, is known for working on numerous covers of good children's books, but it looks like he chose to design some inappropriate books in a series titled Bad Little Children's Books. Bob spoofed a series of children's books by sarcastically creating twisted covers that tell twisted tales. We're still not 100% sure they're real, but they are definitely inappropriate -- and for adult eyes only.

  • 'The House That Crack Built' 

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    Well, now, we've heard everything. A well-known nursery rhyme is transformed into a powerful poem about, you guessed it, crack. Like Whitney Houston said, "Crack is whack." The House that Crack Built teaches kids all the ins and outs of the drug from harvesting to dealers and gangs all culminating in the introduction of crack babies to your child. 

  • 'If You Give a Pig the White House' 

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    Oh look, it's the cautionary tale no one listened to. If You Give a Pig the White House is a parody of the beloved children's book If You Give a Pig a Pancake. Spoiler alert: 2016 called and it wants its pig back. The coiffed and blustery presidential pig has barreled his way into the White House. Children will laugh when they watch as the presidential pig gets into trouble, binges on too much Fox News and fast food, and cavalierly threatens national security displaying just what can happen when a greedy anti-hero tracks his hooves all over America. Unfortunately for the adults, it's not just a parody, it's reality.

  • 'Find Out by Touching'

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    The only description for Find Out by Touching to be found is that the book "describes a simple game designed to stimulate the child's sense of touch." From the cover, it looks like the little boy is petting the little girl and with a title like that, almost anything could go wrong. Maybe try to find out by asking. No means no, kid. 

  • Maggie Goes on a Diet

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    Maggie Goes on a Diet is not only the most inappropriate book for children ever, it may well be the most dangerous books for young kids on the market. Of course, a grown man wrote this book about a 14-year-old girl who goes on a diet and is transformed from being fat and insecure to a "normal-sized" girl who becomes the school soccer star, perpetuating the message that through exercise and hard work to lose weight, Maggie can have it all. Barf.

  • 'My Big Sister Takes Drugs' 

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    In My Big Sister Takes Drugs, Paul's family moves to a new city. His big sister, Tina, has some issues and ends up getting involved with the wrong crowd. They drink and take drugs. Tina withdraws from the family and Paul has a hard time dealing with all the change. Poor Paul. The moral of the story is that drugs are bad, m'kay?

  • 'Am I the A--hole?'

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    This is a hilarious little book about self-awareness to aid in self-reflection. Ever walked away from an argument, and wondered to yourself if you were actually wrong? That's how this children's book -- which is definitely not for children -- will help inspire people to be a little bit more empathetic and thoughtful before engaging.

  • 'So, You've Got a Fat Pussy' 

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    So, You've Got a Fat Pussy is a book about fighting feline obesity ... or is it? This double entendre book is full of insane and hilariously illustrated diets. The kids will laugh, the parents will laugh (for very different and inappropriate reasons) and bedtime with the kids will feel like a roaring game of Cards Against Humanity. Don't let the kids give any book reports on this book, it won't bode well for anyone.

  • The Very Hungover Caterpillar

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    A parody of Eric Carle's famous children's book, The Very Hungover Caterpillar tells the story of one man's attempts to get rid of his hangover by eating whatever he can get his hands on and annoying his family. This is the perfect book for anyone who grew up loving the original, but has now grown up and has kids of his own. And in case it wasn't clear, this book is definitely not for kids.

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