Dad Shares Epic Toddler Poop Disaster Straight From Our Nightmares

Jesse Mab-Phea Hill/Facebook

Every parent has that moment where you walk in on something horrific happening or smell something terrible wafting from your kid. I still have nightmares from scooping poop out of bathtubs, and catching my middle child peeing in the closet on our favorite nursery rhyme storybook. But, one dad in Omaha, Nebraska, shared a viral story that will make your blood run cold. He's hilarious -- but if you're a parent, we're warning you, you might have nightmares about this tonight.


Jesse Mab-Phea Hill shared in a Facebook post that he was having a good day with one kid at school and the other asleep in her bed. His wife, Mayra, was off teaching a workout class, so he thought he'd take a moment to himself and have some cake in his man cave. But when he went upstairs, he smelled something awful -- and it was coming from his toddler's bedroom.

As Dad writes:

I run up the stairs screaming no, no, no, no, till I get to Alessandra's room. There she is, standing at the baby gate, butt naked, holding her diaper, covered head to toe in her own crap. I'm not talking a little poop here and there on her. I'm talking layered on globs of human fecal matter covering her arms, legs, face and HAIR. It's bad.

This is what he walked in to:

Jesse Mab-Phea Hill/Facebook

Jesse Mab-Phea Hill/Facebook

It looks like something out of a crime scene -- except with poop instead of blood. No wonder he could smell it from another floor of the house.

More from CafeMom: Watch This Mom Find 27 Fingernails Hiding in Her Son's Gums

"Everything on the right side of the room is covered in steaming baby crap," he adds. "The walls, the toys, the windows, the curtains, the play bench, the floor, the baby piano, my hopes, all covered in crap. It looked like a real category 5 shit storm blew thru her room. Hurricane Shitrina if you will."

Jesse Mab-Phea Hill/Facebook

His face says it all.

Jesse Mab-Phea Hill/Facebook

All parents have joked about lighting their house on fire, but when this dad jokes about it, we believe him.

More from CafeMom: People Are Roasting These Horrifying-Looking 'Dora the Explorer' Popsicles

Obviously he didn't want to touch his daughter, and he says considered leaving her there until his wife got home (smart dad for not choosing that route). Instead, he knocked down the baby gate so she'd come out on her own and used "2 fingers on both hands to lift her by her armpits" to carry her to the bath.

Jesse Mab-Phea Hill/Facebook

But don't let this photo of his cute, smiling little girl fool you. The trouble didn't end there. Hill continues:

The whole time she's in the tub she tries to touch me with her shit covered hands and I scream like a pre-pubescent girl and dodge her. After 20 minutes I pick all the crap out of her hair, bottom of her feet and everywhere in between.

Surprisingly, Hill says it only took "2 rolls of paper towels, 5 stolen gym towels, 1 bottle of pinsole [sic], 1 bottle of bleach, 1 big bag of crap covered toys and 2 1/2 hours" to clean up the mess in his daughter's room. But, unfortunately, it still smells like "a dumpster fire."

More from CafeMom: 21 '90s Throwback Onesies for Hella Rad Babies

Even though this is every parent's nightmare, Hill at least has a good sense of humor about it. People always tell parents "it could be worse," and I think Jesse understands that now. "I write these trials and tribulations of mine to not only do my part to spread written contraception and to strike fear in the hearts of new parents," he writes, "but also to remind myself that no matter what I'm going thru, at least I'm not cleaning hot baby crap out of the gears of my daughter's play set again."

Maybe the worst is behind him. But, as all parents know, kids can turn on you at any minute, so remember to check on your sleeping angels. When it's been too quiet for too long, that can never be a good thing!

Read More >