Two Brain-Meltingly Annoying Stages of Toddlerdom

I think I've already mentioned how challenging I thought it was to take care of a 1-year-old, but I want to be clear that when I say that, I'm talking about the whole year. It would probably be more accurate to say that the entire 12- to 24-month stage sucked major balls in my household, thanks in no small part to the bizarre stages my children went through that would go on for weeks on end.

During the summer of 2009, my youngest son Dylan was about 18 months old—right at the very pinnacle of Toddler Difficulty. He was adorable, loving, and could be as sweet as pie ... but he was also a tiny psychopath who got into weird ruts that drove me absolutely insane.

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I have photo documentation of two of these stages, which I called "Up & Down" and "Crazy Cup-Hand Baby."

Up & Down was a sofa game, and it lasted for approximately 1,295,732,601 months, give or take. It went like this:


Dylan: "... up.”

Dylan: “Up. Up.”
Dylan: grunt grunt grunt grunt
Dylan: “UP!”
Dylan: “Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! UPPPPP! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!”

Me: "Oh my god, again? Okay, okay. Here."
*boost*

Dylan: “!!!!”
Dylan: “... ”
Dylan: “... ”
Dylan: “... Doon.”
Dylan: “... ”
Dylan: “Doon! Doon! Doon! Doon! Doon! Doon! Doon! DOOOOOON! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!”

At some point Dylan finally learned how to heave his own self onto the couch, and Up & Down quickly lost its appeal. We then entered the Crazy Cup-Hand Baby stage:


Dylan: "Hep."

Dylan. "Hep. Cup."
Dylan's brain, presumably: HELP ME PUT THIS CUP ON MY HAND. HA HA HA I AM CRAZY CUP-HAND BABY I HAVE A CUP FOR A HAND HA HA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA WHEEEEEEEEEEE!


(.02 seconds later)


Dylan's mouth: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Dylan's brain: OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS CUP IS ON MY HAND IT’S ON MY HAND IT’S ON MY HAAAAAAND WHERE DID MY HAND GO IT’S GONE IT’S GONE OH MY GOD I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN AND SLAUGHTER YOUR CATTLE IF YOU DO NOT HELP ME IMMEDIATELY OH MY GOOOOOOOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Me: "Oh look, it's Hershey's o'clock again."

Needless to say, I gained about 10 pounds that summer. Also, I kept these photos so I could 1) look back and laugh, and 2) show them to anyone who asks whether we plan on having a third child. ALL DONE, THANKS.


Can you remember any super-weird stages your toddler went through?



Images via Linda Sharps

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