Your Toddler Isn't Well-Behaved

well-behaved toddlerA government survey on family structure and children's health is out, and while it looks like a fascinating read, I'm going to take Motherlode's word on the most startling fact in the whole report: 96% of American parents say their children are "well-behaved." I must live in the only American city where the so-so, and horribly-behaved children reside. You know, the 4%.

I do appreciate the 30% of the positive respondents who qualified the survey with a "somewhat" in front of "well-behaved." But 70% of the braggarts said their children were "certainly" well-behaved. Right.

Apparently none of the parents had toddlers. Because otherwise these parents are stoned, or lying. If you think your toddler is "certainly" well-behaved, take a look at this list of typical toddler behaviors. And if the USA comes to you and asks about your child, do not even think about checking the "certainly well-behaved" box if your toddler does any of the following:

  • Picks her nose
  • Poops his pants
  • Grabs Daddy's crotch
  • Bites your boob
  • Rides the dog
  • Wipes snot all over your sweater
  • Screams when excited
  • Wakes you up before sunrise
  • Pees in the bath water
  • Refuses to hug Grandma
  • Screams "Daddy" when mommy is trying to comfort her, and vice versa

Really, they're lucky they're cute.

How well-behaved is your toddler?

Image via clairity/Flickr

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