POSTS WITH TAG: tantrums

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    Two words that strike fear in the hearts of moms everywhere: Toddler tantrum. They always seem to happen in the worst of places at the worst of times. The good news, however, is that you can actually foresee a tantrum coming and try to head it off before it happens. "One of the best things you can do is to think ahead and see if you can figure out what sets your child off," says Tovah Klein, PhD, and author of How Toddlers Thrive. "If you know some aspects that increase the chances of a tantrum, such as missing a nap or being hungry, try to prepare ahead to avoid them."

    But if your best efforts fail and your toddler becomes "overwhelmed by her emotions" (that's a nice way of saying she's kicking, screaming, and arching her back), there are things you should avoid doing as they could make the situation even worse.

    Here, 7 things never to do during your toddler’s temper tantrum.

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    Got a "time-out" chair in your home? You might want to put it back in the playroom. While time-outs were the discipline method du jour for parents in the '90s, they've fallen out of favor with today's more progressive child behavior experts. "Time-outs were originally a way for kids to take a break, think about what they did, maybe even have remorse for it, and settle down and return," says Tovah P. Klein, Ph.D, author of How Toddlers Thrive. "They don't make sense at all for young children."

    The two biggest reasons to skip time-outs? They're not healthy for your child's emotional well-being (now or later), and they're not effective in terms of curbing "bad" behavior. (If you're constantly giving your child a time-out, that tells you something, doesn't it?)

    Let's take a closer look at this form of discipline.

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    Back when I was a brand new mom, or heck, even before I had kids, I was pretty judgy of other moms. I admit, it's easy to see someone loading their children up on candy or strapping them into a kid leash and say to yourself, "I'd never do that."

    Granted, there are some things that I will never, ever not judge; Coca Cola in a baby bottle will make me cringe every single time.

    But overall, I've realized that parenting context is everything, which is why I bite my tongue way more than I ever did before.

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    In the ongoing debates over the best parenting strategies, spanking always manages to come up. And moms on both sides of the issue never fail to get super-heated. Research has intervened to give their say this week. For a new study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, researchers analyzed real-time audio recordings of parents interacting with their children and concluded not only that parents are spanking for "trivial misdeeds," but 73 percent of the time, kids end up misbehaving again within 10 minutes. Wow.

    That said, if spanking is SO ineffective, it hardly seems like it pays for even its biggest proponent to do it! Really, the findings only serve to echo what opponents of spanking say: It's a bogus, unnecessary way to discipline.

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    Do you want to hear a secret? I get angry and upset and cry sometimes. Okay, a lot of times. Okay, pretty much every day. But I have really good reasons for throwing temper tantrums -- I swear!

    How else am I supposed to act when Mommy does something for me that I wanted to do ALL BY MYSELF? Or when Daddy turns off my favorite show before I'm finished watching? Or when I can't get one of my toys to work right? Or when I want a "loll-pop" RIGHT NOW and Mommy says no because we don't have any?

    As I like to say, "Are you kidding me?"

    Mommy and Daddy might not agree, but I think there are plenty of times it's okay for me to have a meltdown because of something THEY'VE done wrong. Do you want to know what they are?

    Here are 12 reasons toddlers' tantrums might be all your fault ...

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    Toddlers could be -- actually, scratch that -- they are the greatest humans on the planet. But man, they're freakin' crazy. One minute, they're happy as a clam, the next, they want to rip your head off because you won't let them use a Chinese Throwing Star as a hair brush.

    I'm not a fan of laughing at a toddler when they're mid-tantrum because, as silly as we think they're being, it's kinda shaming their feelings a bit. But I will admit, the reasons some kids have tantrums are downright hilarious, and sometimes, when it's not frustrating, it's really (really) hard not to laugh at these adorable little hurricanes.

    Here are 25 (funny) reasons toddlers have tantrums.

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    Having kids is great, and totally worth it and all that jazz, but let’s face the facts -- things change when you become a parent. For the most part, things start out relatively simply. You have a baby, and your goal is to not kill it. Feed it, burp it, clean it, hold it, love it.

    Then you have a toddler, and your goal shifts to trying to keep them from killing you. They’re not called the terrible twos for nothing, you know. Toddlers are busy and curious and tantrumy and did I mention busy? There are certain little life pleasures that will just have to be on hold if you’re in the midst of the toddler years.

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    Have you ever found yourself feeling defeated, frustrated, and at your wits' end when your toddler is in the midst of an epic temper tantrum? What am I saying? Of course you've been there. We all have. But I have some good news for you -- you're not doing anything wrong even though your little one is screaming at the top of his lungs.

    According to researchers at the University of Montreal, toddler tantrums are a result of genetics ... not poor parenting. (Winning.) Yep. And that would explain why some parents wind up with one kid who throws fits and another who is much more calm.

    Sure, environmental factors play a part too -- but researchers indicated that a child's genetic make-up played a "substantial" part in their level of physical aggression.

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    Toddlers are tough nuts to crack sometimes. They’re mobile. They are learning to communicate but frequently frustrated at their difficulty in doing it effectively. Also they think they don’t need naps, but they really do. And by them needing naps, I of course mean their parents need naps.

    But there is an upside. If you survive toddlerhood, you’ll be prepared for just about anything.

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    Like any two-year-old, Skylar is often not thrilled with my decisions. But when they involve a location she would rather be, I have a toddler-proof weapon at my disposal. I remind her of what is always a worse option: abandonment. I can’t fathom the desire to be around me for any length of time, much less always. But if my daughter wants to spend a second hour trying on Doc McStuffins accessories in the Disney Store, I just bluff about being off to the food court. This instantly transforms her from a pretend doctor to a real-life mental patient. (Incidentally, have you taken a careful gander at Doc McStuffins' face? Is it just me or is it more than a little possible that she became a doctor because she has fetal alcohol syndrome?)

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