If there is one thing as a mom that I hate above all else, it's the grocery store checkout lane. No matter how many times my kids and I go to the store, be it the big box store or the bathroom/kitchen chain, no matter how many times I say, "No you can't have that candy/toy/sparkly notepad/pig with light-up eyes," my children always start to cry.

Always.

It's bad enough to have to take your toddler into a store. Most of us moms will try to avoid that at all costs. But every once in a while, we do and no matter how good my children are throughout the trip, the meltdowns always start in the checkout line. And for this, I blame stores.

Approximately 200,000 people visited Disney World daily over Easter and I may have seen or bumped into 90 percent of them. What I marvel at, aside from the crowds and those Neanderthal looking turkey legs that have lines as long as the thrill rides (WTF?) is the fact that my kids can find things to cry and complain about almost constantly in the place where dreams come true.

Luckily, mine weren't the only ones. Sure my son may have set some kids off when he screamed Mickey Mouse is DEAD in a crowded room? Oh, that happened as I was explaining Walt Disney (the original Mickey) was dead. Um, my bad.

And yes, my daughter may have shed a tear about getting the "wrong" colored magic carpet, but I watched a toddler flailing on the ground exclaiming his ice cream was too "drippy." Nothing like watching other people with their children to make you feel sane! That said, here are things your children will probably cry about in the "happiest place on Earth."

Sometimes I get mad. Sometimes my brother wants my toy and steals it or, worse, he wants me to play superheroes with him and I just want to play unicorns and he gets really mad that I don't want to play superheroes so I get really mad, too. Tantrum. Sometimes I just want to do something and mommy says no. I tell her that I'm sad I disappointed her and she seems to really like that. Then I say sorry. Sometimes when I'm bad, nothing happens. Sometimes I cry or scream.

But I know the secrets to stopping a tantrum.

Life is cruel. Life is so unfair. There's war. Children go hungry. And you cannot get a REAL, LIVE UNICORN no matter how much you want one. You just can't. Here's a video of an inconsolable toddler trying to grasp with this grave injustice.

Her mama seems to think she's just tired. NO! She insists, "I just want a real live unicorn, wahahahaaaaaaaa!" My favorite part is when her mom tells her unicorns are really hard to find. For a moment the girl stops crying and asks, "They are?" Like this is news to her. Watch her eyes as all the magic suddenly drains out of her world. But nope! Not going there. She still really, really wants a real live unicorn.

I don't know what it is about restaurants that cause my kids to lose it entirely. They can be fully delightful children all day, but get them into a restaurant context and BOOM, cray-cray ensues.

I think a lot of things make this so tough…the judgy eyes of other diners, the fact you're not in control of how fast the food comes out, how it looks or what temperature it will be (which can trigger a meltdown in picky eaters), and the fact that an experience which used to be fun and relaxing has become a massive stress point. Thank heavens we have never crossed paths with Randall, he of the "honey badger" treatment. In this latest episode of Moms in The Wild, he follows several moms and their kids to restaurants.

A couple in South Carolina has been arrested for abuse of a 7-year-old boy, who was beat repeatedly with a belt and shoes. The victim told police that he was “spanked” on numerous days, and forced to keep soap in his mouth. He had multiple bruises on his shins and rear end. 

The alleged abusers, Amber Tyler, 27, and Coolidge Mike McDaniel, 29, were charged with child cruelty and released Sunday on a $1,000 bond. 

The police report said that the little boy was afraid to go home because he might get “spanked” again for telling.

Better put another five bucks in her therapy jar is a common phrase in our house. It refers to any time we do something to our children that might come out on a counselor’s couch in a decade or so. “My mother forced me to eat green vegetables, and now I have nightmares of Brussels sprouts chasing me through the streets,” they might say.

It’s pretty much another way of saying, “Get over it.”

Strapped in the car seat?? You POOR BABY!!The toddler life is stressful, y’all. Play date after play date, cheerios to be crushed into the carpet and blamed on your baby brother, and endless piles of blocks to be stacked and knocked over. And nap time? Fuhgeddaboudit.

Now some British children at least have a solution to coping with their mad, crazy lives in relaxation therapy. That’s right -- kids as young as three are learning how to self soothe through techniques like massage and fairytale visualization. The hope of these sessions is that the preschoolers will be able to “rid themselves of ‘negative energy.’”