Any mom who is in the midst of trying to potty train a toddler will tell you that when they've gotta go -- they've gotta go. And nine times out of ten, they pick the most inopportune times to announce that they need to do their business. But a 3-year-old little girl named Emmelyn Roettger definitely wins the award for the most awkward time to announce that she needed to go poop after doing it on a live Today show appearance.

Emmelyn went on the show with her parents because at the tender age of 3, she's a genius who is already a member of Mensa. But being one of the smartest kids in the world doesn't mean she isn't still a kid -- and when nature called, she just couldn't ignore it.

When I got pregnant with my second son in 2006, I had a sneaking suspicion that he was going to be a handful. I swear on a stack of bibles that the kid never slept -- even in the womb. So it was no surprise when I popped him out and he exerted his will on the world: Only Mom would do and, well, sleeping is for suckers.

It was with great glee that I finally got the child to sleep through the night when he was one. It was good, because I was thisclose to losing my mind (I only appear to be joking about that) and landing in the psych hospital. Chronic sleep deprivation is a bitch.

So it's really no surprise that my kid remains, at 4 years old, one of the most stubborn, willful people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

It's going to be something that treats him well, later in life, but for now, I'm about three steps from pulling my hair out and running away to Detroit.

Why?

Two dreaded words: Potty Training.

When it came time to start potty training my son, I think I just about broke all the rules. In my neighborhood, there's pressure to potty train your child early because some of the fancier preschools will not accept children who are still in diapers. But there's also a kind of arms race among parents, a bit of playground competition, like every other child development milestone.

Well, potty training is not a competition. And all the rules are completely useless. Ideal age? Using the right pull-ups? Scheduled potty-sitting time? Forget it. I think you need to be a potty training renegade to get the job done. For me and my son, it was all about waiting until he was ready, watching his signals, and letting him figure it out himself.

"MOMMMMMMMM!"

It never fails. Just when I've prepared a meal for myself and I'm sitting down to enjoy five minutes of peace, the call echoes down the hallway.

"MOmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Can you come wipe my butt?"

I enter the bathroom and there he is, my 3-year-old. He is pantsless and has arranged himself in the Sort-of-Amusing, Sort-of-Gross Position of His Own Invention: hands planted firmly on the ground, tiny naked rear end pointed straight up in the air. It is now my job to deal with his wee butthole, and any detritus that may have accumulated there.

Suddenly, my turkey sandwich with mustard isn't sounding so appealing.

My daughter always seems to need new pajamas. Growth spurts, weather changes, what have you, I'm constantly searching for pjs for my (almost) 4-year-old.

I was on a few websites (they rhyme with "slap" and "bold wavy") and saw all of those adorable footie pjs. You know, the all-in-one kind, with the zipper up the front, little feet on the bottom. Don't get a much cuter sight than your little one in footie pjs padding out of her room on Saturday mornings, huh?

I spied one with cats on it. Kiddo loves cats. It was yellow. Kiddo's favorite color is yellow. And the cats had princess crowns.

Yellow princess kitty pjs. She would LOVE these pajamas. I would have to buy seven pairs so she could wear them every night. And they offered it up to size 5.

But I didn't buy them.

Damn that potty training (imagine me waving my fist in the air to get the full effect).

We’re still in diapers and, admittedly, I haven’t put much time, thought, or effort into potty training my 22-month-old. So maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about here, but seriously ... isn’t it just a bit uncouth to lean your recently potty-trained toddler over curbs, shrubbery, and boutique shoe stores to pee? Yes, public peeing.

They’re toddlers, not street vagrants or dogs. What’s with this public urination trend that’s taking over my city? I’ve even seen some parents cradling their kids’ butts in such a way that they can poop in public!

Keeping your kids in training pants has one major disadvantage Mom and Dad: They're still not "feeling" the accidents.

Sure it will keep your couch dry, but many parents find they're throwing good money after bad.

Want a real incentive to make them run to the potty when it's time to go?

The green movement has made the hand-me-down hip again.

Sometimes, I'm glad to be uncool.

Because the third time is the charm for a pair of shorts, but not the kids' potty.