POSTS WITH TAG: confessions

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    I always said I wanted a girl. My wife thought I secretly wanted a boy to continue my legacy, and that I said this only to cover my ass.

    Um ... my legacy of what? Unemployment because I was stupid enough to choose what I love doing for a career? Relationship strife because I'm selfish and don't listen? I'm so elated and proud to have sired a member of the better sex, and here are my Top 10 reasons why ...

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    My two-year-old daughter might be what you call "high maintenance." She doesn't like to play by herself, talks a blue streak, and is constantly looking for attention. One of her favorite phrases is "Look at me," something she says before doing somersaults or splits or -- gasp -- diving off the couch because another one of her traits is absolute fearlessness. I've caught her staring at herself in the mirror and pretending to cry. She asks about a gazillion questions a day about everything. Ev-er-y-thing.

    The problem is her mom is also high maintenance. I made the decision this year to quit my full-time job and do something that would allow me to raise my daughter, but as a work-from-home parent, I require hours during the day when I can just stare at a computer screen. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't often wonder if a daycare worker would do a better job of "raising" my daughter than I am.

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    I walk around the house naked and let my 2-year-old daughter follow me into the bathroom when I pee. I don't want her raised like me, to think that being seen as you were born is something shameful.

    It's my personal statement against puritanism, societally imposed self-hatred, and doing laundry. Studies have shown that children reared by nudists -- and they definitely are reared -- grow up better adjusted.

    OK, so maybe I don't do much laundry.

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    Growing up, my mom constantly warned me to be careful or I'd crack my head open.Yes, I learned, that nearly everything could end with me accidentally being maimed or killed. "Don't go too high on the swings, you'll fall and crack your head open." "Be careful playing on that icy sidewalk, you don't wanna slip and break your neck." "Stop leaning back in your chair, you'll..." "Don't run by the pool… Don't hang upside down from the monkey bars…"Though few, if any, of those things ever happened, I'm pretty sure the fear of these catastrophes scarred me for life. Which is why I swore not to sound so fatalistic with my own kids.


    Oh sorry, that was me laughing because, well, the best laid plans ... and all.Now that my kids have a bit of independence, I've realized I rely on scare tactics and maybe some exaggeration to get many a point across. So, here's just a few things I've caught myself saying that will most likely send them to therapy later in life.

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    I will never lie to my daughter. I remember promising this to myself. That was before we got her the "phone" that was really an iPod Touch. And before we started taking it out of her crib at bedtime, claiming that it needs charging. And before we told her that frozen yogurt was ice cream. Then there are the Top 3 lies we all tell our kids: (1) If you don't come with me now, you're staying here; (2) We're almost there; and (3) We'll come back tomorrow.

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    It appears I have many many flaws. Flaws that my well-meaning children (a boy and a girl) have brought to my attention over the last 11 years. 

    For instance, I remember my daughter asking if a dark freckle on my back was a mole. I said, "It's not a mole, it's a beauty mark," to which she innocently replied, "Why would they call it a beauty mark, when it's so ugly?" I guess I never realized the beauty mark I once thought was kinda sexy was such an eyesore. Thank you, my child, for enlightening me. 

    Yes, one of the joys of parenthood is having your children point out your imperfections with brutal honesty. Some days your kids can unwittingly rival the meanest playground bully.   

    So children, I say thank you for being seen in public with me and for putting up with my numerous shortcomings, which you made me aware of when you uttered phrases like these:

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    I don't consider myself a "helicopter parent," but if you were to ask my parents what they thought of my mommy-ing, they'd probably say I have too many silly rules about cookies and napping. And the one thing they'd complain about that's bugging them lately: she needs to let that child stay up later, especially on Christmas Eve. Let me explain. My folks, who like to maintain fairly traditional Italian holiday customs, enjoy hosting Christmas Eve at their home. They fry enough fish to feed 20 people and get a kick out of decorating every inch of their house. We don't sit down to eat until 8 or 8:30 and, if they had their way, we'd attend midnight mass and go back to their home for even more dessert. As much as I love my parents, their way of doing things on Xmas isn't exactly compatible with having a 2-year-old. And I can't help but wonder: is there a point where new parents should start taking over the holidays?

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    New and pregnant moms are full of hope and wonder. We want to believe everything we see on TV or witness much cooler and laidback moms doing. So we begin to make plans to take our baby to crazy places or to stay at home and do Incredible Thing #1 and Incredible Thing #2 with them. We don't for a moment even consider that baby still needs diaper changes, 15 bottles or snacks or meals per day, or might have colic or need naps while all that incredible-ness is going on. I once had BIG PLANS for this child of mine. Needless to say, I've scaled back my expectations. But here are 5 things I swore I'd do with my baby when she was either still a baby or a toddler. Let the ridicule begin!

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    Whether you’re anti-spanking, or you have one of those kids that doesn’t respond to that discipline method (they do exist -- believe me), sometimes you need a few tricks up your sleeve to get your little one to behave -- or at least calmed down.

    Let’s face it, when toddlers go into meltdown, they basically turn into midget lunatics, and if you’re not hyper-vigilant, you may find yourself promising them what they want just to get them to stop screaming. Then they learn they only have to scream to make Mommy batty enough to give into their tyrannical demands for Dora and chocolate.

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  • Say What!?

    5 Ways TV Has Made My Toddler Smarter

    posted by Lisa Fogarty November 25, 2013 at 2:38 PM in Toddler
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    Another day, another report released about how television is sure to create little demons and criminals out of our kids. To be fair, the latest research isn't that damning, but an Ohio State University report has found that preschoolers who watch a lot of TV -- which includes being exposed to background television noise and having a set in their bedroom -- perform worse on assessments that test how well they can understand other people's "emotions, intentions, beliefs, and desires."

    I'm not going to try and dispute the findings of scholars who have worked for months or years to make these discoveries. But I am going to offer a simple counterpoint: in addition to breaking their souls and spirits, TV can actually teach our kids some pretty great things.


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