POSTS WITH TAG: confessions

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    Yes, I'm one of those horrible moms who takes her kid to bars. I can't say I'm proud of this, but I'm not exactly ashamed of myself either.

    Let me explain: It all started one evening when a friend called to see if I'd like to meet up for a drink. Only my husband was already out that evening, and I couldn't find a babysitter for my 2-year-old daughter on such short notice. And sitting in my apartment didn't appeal to my pal, who was single and childless.

    Given these limitations, if this drink were to happen -- and after a long day of entertaining my daughter, lord knows I was chomping at the bit for it -- my choice seemed clear: I'd meet my friend at a bar and take my toddler with me.

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    As a wishy-washy Agnostic who was raised Catholic, I don't believe most of what I've read in the Bible. I think God could definitely exist, but I wouldn't bet money on it either way. Basically, I question it all but would never be presumptuous enough to argue against religion, either. I try to respect others' faiths, but as a mom, I find others don't always respect my beliefs -- or in this case, the beliefs I don't hold to be true.

    The number one offender here is probably the last person you'd expect: my mom -- my children's otherwise amazing and loving grandmother. A religious person who just can't help herself and refuses to stop taking my toddler to church.

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    I'm raising my three-year-old oblivious to all current music... while I still can.I long ago lost the battle for TV influence to her daycare classmates, who sucked her into "Elmo" and now "Doc McStuffins" and will probably teach her to smoke soon.

    But in the car, my iTunes library is all the music that exists. And most of the selections I play from it were recorded 15 of her lifetimes ago.

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    We pulled into the Starbucks parking lot just as the kids were waking from their nap. We’d been driving for two hours, halfway between Dallas and Austin in college-town Waco. It was time for a break. As I pulled Leyna out of her car seat, I got a whiff of something foul.

    I instinctively pulled back her diaper to confirm the mess I suspected, then I pushed the assortment of shoes, jackets, and old sippy cups off the bench seat in the Jeep, plopped her down, and changed her diaper because I was 90 percent sure there wouldn’t be a changing table inside. A rogue cup rolled out of the car and into the parking lot.

    I screamed at Kendall as he went to chase it. “DON’T YOU DARE! STAY RIGHT HERE.” Parked directly in front of the picture windows of a Starbucks full of college students, we were on display, a traveling parade of free birth control.

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    I swore it would never happen to me because, since I am me, I am in control of such things. Well, that was a flawed theory because, somehow, I have managed to become that dad.

    You know, the one we all hate before having kids of our own. I abashedly submit to you the evidence:

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  • 35 +SHARE

    Back when I was a brand new mom, or heck, even before I had kids, I was pretty judgy of other moms. I admit, it's easy to see someone loading their children up on candy or strapping them into a kid leash and say to yourself, "I'd never do that."

    Granted, there are some things that I will never, ever not judge; Coca Cola in a baby bottle will make me cringe every single time.

    But overall, I've realized that parenting context is everything, which is why I bite my tongue way more than I ever did before.

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  • LOL

    7 Secrets Moms Never Share

    posted by Jenny Isenman April 18 at 10:42 AM in Big Kid
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    There are certain secrets we moms keep to ensure the survival of our species. It’s not like we took an oath to keep them, it’s more of an unconscious phenomenon — like we’re programmed to omit certain details about parenting life from conversations on an evolutionary level.

    I kinda wish I’d been privy to this classified information beforehand, not that I could’ve prepared, but, like, full disclosure people! So I will go against my internal programming and divulge some things parents let you find out for yourselves.

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    I always said I wanted a girl. My wife thought I secretly wanted a boy to continue my legacy, and that I said this only to cover my ass.

    Um ... my legacy of what? Unemployment because I was stupid enough to choose what I love doing for a career? Relationship strife because I'm selfish and don't listen? I'm so elated and proud to have sired a member of the better sex, and here are my Top 10 reasons why ...

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    I walk around the house naked and let my 2-year-old daughter follow me into the bathroom when I pee. I don't want her raised like me, to think that being seen as you were born is something shameful.

    It's my personal statement against puritanism, societally imposed self-hatred, and doing laundry. Studies have shown that children reared by nudists -- and they definitely are reared -- grow up better adjusted.

    OK, so maybe I don't do much laundry.

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    Growing up, my mom constantly warned me to be careful or I'd crack my head open.Yes, I learned, that nearly everything could end with me accidentally being maimed or killed. "Don't go too high on the swings, you'll fall and crack your head open." "Be careful playing on that icy sidewalk, you don't wanna slip and break your neck." "Stop leaning back in your chair, you'll..." "Don't run by the pool… Don't hang upside down from the monkey bars…"Though few, if any, of those things ever happened, I'm pretty sure the fear of these catastrophes scarred me for life. Which is why I swore not to sound so fatalistic with my own kids.


    Oh sorry, that was me laughing because, well, the best laid plans ... and all.Now that my kids have a bit of independence, I've realized I rely on scare tactics and maybe some exaggeration to get many a point across. So, here's just a few things I've caught myself saying that will most likely send them to therapy later in life.

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