Don't let that whole "jolly" thing fool you: Santa Claus is one badass mutha, on a mission to corrupt our youth! Or so Pamela McColl seems to think. That's why the self-published Canadian author spent $200,000 of her own money putting out a smoke-free version of Clement C. Moore's classic 1823 poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (or, as everybody in the universe actually calls it, "Twas the Night Before Christmas"), in which the following two stanzas are deleted: "The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth/and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath."

Says McColl: “No one can backtrack now. Santa has stopped smoking, and 2012 is the year he quit, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.” Um ... okay. Simmer down, lady!

So, I have some issues with this. 

Spooooky Halloween stories for toddlers and leetle goblins -- do they even exist? Most ghost stories are too scary for small children. No one wants to give their little ones nightmares! But there are a few cute stories out there that have just the right amount of Halloween flavor -- more sugar than spice. Here's a few of our favorites.

Oh, vegans. I do admire you so and honestly wish I could do what you're doing. So much so that on occasion, I give it a shot. Admittedly, I just polished off a breakfast of bacon and eggs, but I do have much love for you and your kind. Except for the judge-y ones. You people can suck it.

Which is how most of you guys are going to feel about Ruby Roth's upcoming children's book, Vegan Is Love, I just know it. And Ms. Roth does herself no favors in this TODAY show interview where she comes off as just a wee bit sanctimonious.

Happy Read Across America Day! Which just happens to fall on the birthday of the late great Theodore Seuss Geisel -- a.k.a. Dr. Seuss. Yes, today is all about kids and books and literacy and the government reminding us that, hey, Reading Is Fundamental.

Right about now you're probably thinking, "Oh, man! Seriously, now I gotta read to this kid? I just gave it a bag of Doritos an hour ago! This job never ends! What's in it for me?"

Actually, there are several surprising perks for parents who read to their children -- and I'm not just talking about all that stuff "good" moms are supposed to flip over like smarter kids and stuff.

Happy birthday to Theodor Seuss Geisel, AKA Dr. Seuss! He was born today back in 1904, and his books still speak to readers of all ages. It's hard to find a family bookshelf that doesn't have at least one Dr. Seuss, whether it's Green Eggs and Ham, Hop on Pop, or Oh! The Places You'll Go.

Dr. Seuss books were my favorite books to read to my son when he was a little guy -- not least because they're so much fun to read aloud. "Far away in Berlin a musical urchin named Gretchen von Schwinn has a blue-footed, true-footed, trick-fingered, slick-fingered, six-fingered, six-stringed tin Schwinn mandolin." That's from Oh Say Can You Say.  Why else did I love reading Seuss to my kid? Let me count the whys.

When my kids were still in the "Read me ANOTHER bedtime story, Mommy!" phase, I'd say we owned at least 8,542 Berenstain Bears books. And that's a conservative estimate. As a parent, there were two things I liked about the series: First of all, they made me nostalgic for my own childhood ... my mother read me some of the very same titles when I was a kid.

Second of all, no matter what developmental phase my kids happened to be going through, there was always a Berenstain Bears book to help tackle the issue head-on (but still in a colorful, kid-friendly, anthropomorphic animal kind of way). Bad dreams? Stranger danger? First trip to the dentist? Too much junk food? Sharing toys? Those bears had the answer.

So I was sad to hear about the passing of Jan Berenstain, the children's author who co-created the Berenstain Bears with her husband Stan: She passed away on February 24th at the age of 88.

But certainly, the Berenstain legacy will live on for generations to come ...

If you missed Stephen Colbert's interviews with children's book author, and legend, Maurice Sendak, you must first watch part 1 and part 2 to immediately make your day. Go ahead, I'll wait. Are you back? Good! Because you are now primed to hear the announcement that Stephen Colbert did find a publisher for his children's book, I Am a Pole (And So Can You!), and it will be released on May 8.

So what can we expect from the author of I Am America (And So Can You!) as he delves into kid lit?

For over a year now, my toddler has been obsessed with Dr. Seuss books. It started with Hop on Pop and now he has a compilation book that's almost bigger than he is that goes to bed with every night. Personally, we were thrilled that he picked these books over, say, "My Little Pony Goes to Ballet School in a Fluffy Sweater." As any parent knows, it's super fun to read Dr. Seuss and can be as entertaining for adults as it is for kids. 

What every parent doesn't know, but now we do, is that these clever, rhyming lessons are actually super leftist propaganda. And I, for one, am thrilled to get these words of truth drilled into any kid's head on the early side.