"Stay at Home" Mom: You Irk Me!


Photo by damira

As moms, we all make different choices for different reasons. We work outside the home, we work from home, we stay at home. I'm cool with all that. But, here's what gets my goat.

A mom I know (let's call her M) describes herself as a "stay at home mom," and she's always talking about how much she loves it because she gets to be with her son, blah, blah, blah. My problem with this: she never stays at home—at least not if her kid is there.

Two full days a week, M has a babysitter come in. M kisses her two-year-old tot goodbye (I hope) and takes off for her personal trainer, her private Pilates class, coffee with a friend, a day of beauty, or a day of shopping.

Two full days a week, M drops her son off at nursery school and takes off for her personal trainer, her private Pilates class, coffee with a friend, a day of beauty, a day shopping (or she stays at home and watches TV and socializes on Facebook).

One full day a week, M drops her kid off at a daycare center, and takes off ...

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much. If M was going off to work every day I wouldn't care. And I do believe every mom is entitled to take time out for herself—and doing it every day is M's prerogative. I know first-hand how monotonous staying home with a two-year-old every day can be. But M never seems to take time in for her kid.

Ultimately, it's the bragging that gets me. "I just love being a stay-at-home mom!" is her mantra. I just wish that once in a while she'd actually spend some time with her son. I'll bet he does too.

What do you think? Am I being too harsh? Please help me see her point of view.

Related posts: 

Staying Home After Baby: Still a Woman's Duty?

I Don't Like Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Mom Finds Ways to Save $$ So She Can Stay at Home With Her Babies

Working Moms Can Stop Feeling Guilty

Working Moms: The Childless Boss




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sstepph sstepph

I'd feel the same way. I feel being a SAHM is stay at home with your children and doing things with them. Yes, you can take a day or a few hours for yourself and go do something or whatever. But how can you call yourself a SAHM when you're not home!?! That would irk me as well. Someday she will regret not spending time with her son, when he is all grown up and is off doing his own things. 

Capta... CaptainMcMommy

I'd feel the same way also. I have a friend who's a SAHM also except that her kids go to preschool 2 days a week and her parents watch them 2 days a week. She does go to school online, but still she's not at home with her kids 24/7.

That's about as annoying as SIL saying she's a "great mom" because she plays with her daughter. Yet she lets her sit in a wet/dirty diaper for hours until someone else changes it.

Wow2boyz Wow2boyz

sounds like she has too much money:)

Shade... ShadesofGrey

Wow. That would irk me, too. I can see her doing this once or twice a week for several hours. Socializing and such is good for the kid, too. If I had the money, I'd do nursery school and activities for my son. It'd be nice to get a little break once or twice a week. After all, when you work, you do get breaks and days off from work. But that is an overkill.

toria... toriandgrace

I don't know, I don't see how it matters. I mean, yes, it's sort of silly that she brags about being a SAHM when she's just.. not working. However, if you'd be fine with her being at work, then what's the difference? I do agree that she sounds like she has too much money.. what's her husband do, and how can I get my hubby on that career track? lol

Agent... AgentBrez

you are not being harsh. just b/c she doesnt work outside the home does not make her a stay at home mom based on what she does.

auror... aurorabunny

No way are you being harsh.  Being a SAHM is a JOB, or at least it should be if you're doing it right.  If she's not staying at home with her child, nurtering and teaching her (which it really doesn't sound like she is) then she should go get a job and at least contribute something other than being a pretty pretty princess. 

jagrus jagrus

sounds like one of those moms on Desperate Houswives, I am a SAHM, I actually am a WAHM, I do pampered chef from home and only leave hom 1 day a week, do I IRK you, maybe you should consider a title like


A SAHM that IRKS me.

RanaA... RanaAurora

Sounds to me like she just wants her cake and to eat it too.  She gets to wave a "I'm a great mom who stays at home" while she actually goes and spoils herself.

I personally think your friend sucks.  Being a SAHM is about being a MOM.  It's one thing to get out sometimes without your kid... but it's another to just avoid responsibility of any kind altogether.

Ems629 Ems629

I'd be livid and a lot jealous. I'm a SAHM, and I feel I deserve a break, and time away, and a social life...why not? Why, now that I have a child am I supposed to morph into a lump with no needs? And yet I have. It's not fair.It's unrealistic, but there you have it.

But in the real world, if your friend were running around the work place purporting to be "doing her job", but all the while foisting the work onto others and going shopping, having leisurely lunches, and going to the gym, her ass would be grass.

She's not a SAHM, she 's a lady of leisure. She's a wife, and a Mother.

Yeah. I'm jealous. But, I also think it's high time the terms of being a SAHM were re-examined and amended...the old- fashioned definition just doesn't fit the way we're brought up anymore...we're taught from early on to expect a lot more of ourselves as women than to be dependent on husbands and to give up our individuality once married/with kids.

Here's the funny thing. Sounds like your friend is pretty dependent herself...


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