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Many parents of adoption struggle with the issue of changing their child's name. Some parents feel the name is sacred and should never be changed—it's often the only sense of connection a child has with his birth parents. Other parents don't like the child's given name or they feel it won't fit in the community—it would constantly be mispronounced or misspelled. And some parents compromise—they give their child a new first name, but keep their given name as a middle name.
What do you think about changing a toddler's given birth name?
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Comments 10
We adopted a toddler from China and we changed her name completely. In China, the names are given to the children by the orphanage director not their parents. It is the city first and then whatever the director decides... we felt that since our dd would have no connection with this name that we would change it. She is now named after 3 of her grandmothers... my Dh's great grandmother, my mother and my MIL. Her name suits her wonderfully. (not to mention nobody would be able to pronounce her Chinese name..)
I was adopted when I was 5 years old and my brother was a year old. Our adoptive parent's changed our names so that we could have a fresh start. Since I was older, I got to help pick my name and that made changing my name easier to handle.
My husband has 2 sisters and 1 brother, all of which are adopted except him. This is what his mother told me one day while we were discussing adoption2(its no touchy subject to his family, they all love the idea that they were adopted by my MIL and FIL and aren't afraid or btoher to talk about it). Well the first one they adopted was Suzanne, she was a infant and the BM wanted her name to her Elvira after Elvis and gave her that name up until the day my inlaws adopted her, there was no way in hell their daughter was going to be named after Elvis.lol. Next came my brother inlaw, he was about a year old when htey adopted him, his name was River and they changed it to Evan, not a fan of objects as names i guess. lol Then came Alice, Her name was Aspen, they adopted her as soon as she was born and her BM was a hippie lol so the name didn't stick around long its just what the BM wanted. Then came my Husband Gregory Paul Michael Cook. AKA the love of my life
I think it depends on the kid. It depends on how old they are, if they know there name and it will confuse them, if they are old enough to have say in the name change. For some kids being adpoted is hard enough, being taken away from the only people they ever know, that changeing there name will only confuse them more, and make the change harder on them. Its different for each family and its something that should be talked about and researched before making that choice. One day when you tell that child they are adpoted and you tell them you changed there name it might hurt them and make finding there bm harder ( if thats what they chose to do). Its something that should be thought hards about first.
My sister-in-law was adopted when she was just a baby, and my mother-in-law changed her name completely. So I believe it's OK. My mother-in-law wanted to give my sister-in-law a better life, since what she began with wasn't really great.
We adopted DS from foster care at 2-1/2 y/o (he'd been w/us since 6 m/o) & we changed the spelling of his first name & his middle name. The first name was spelled different on the OBC for some reason & even his birth mom spelled it the way that we ended up spelling it. (The other was an odd spelling). His middle name, we changed to connect with my DH. Since he wasn't particularly verbal or understanding of the adoption, it was our decision. If he were upset about it when he's older & wants to change it back, we could always do that.
The only time I wouldn't change a name is if I had an older child who DIDN'T want to change their name. However, a LOT of older children from foster care want a break from the past & love choosing a new name that gives them a fresh start with their new family.
(con't) I have a friend who also adopted, who fostered a 2-1/2 y/o & adopted him at 3-1/2. She moved his first name to the middle & changed the first name. She transitioned he & friends/family/workers over time and it was an easy adjustment. He was "Scott", then "Franklin Scott", then just "Franklin". (Not the names, the real names are cooler, lol, it's all I can think of.) He liked his new name. She did the same thing with his sister who she adopted a year later. In foster care, you HAVE to call them by their given names & the case generally takes 12-18 months, so they will have heard their name a long time, regardless of if they are infants when we get them. However, transitioning is easy.
Again, the only time I wouldn't change a name is if I had an older child who DIDN'T want to change their name. However, a LOT of older children from foster care want a break from the past & love choosing a new name that gives them a fresh start with their new family.
Sometimes, for the sake of safety, the child's name needs to be changed. This would be in cases where they would be in danger if they were to be found by the members of their birthfamilies. Some parents have adopted kids who were horribly abused, and have chosen to change names. I heard of one story of a young child who had been raped by a family member, and chose to have his name changed because he wanted to put that behind him (this child was obviously a bit older).
okay i think that when they are babys (nB) yea its fine but older i dont on i guess its jus the kid really cuz my son was 6 mons when i gave him up and they change his name from oryan to something off the wall and i think they have lost him foreal i seen a movie of him they where sayin his new name which is like luke (its close to this name ) and he wasnt lookin at them at all jus lookin off in space lol so now what are they gonna do im jus sayin