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This week, CafeMom aurorabunny talks about the vaccination debate and how it can divide the special needs and parenting communities.
Each week in Special Needs Living, aurorabunny, mom to 3-year old Brody, who has autism, shares her ongoing parenting triumphs and struggles.
The Autism-Vaccine Controversy
by aurorabunny
Set down your weapons, ladies. I'm not going where you think I am with this. I think that most of us are aware that vaccines are a very hot topic right now, especially when coupled with the mention of autism.
But even before I was educated on vaccines and formed my own opinions on their relation to autism, I used to grow weary of not being able to hear or discuss autism without the "V" word playing a major part in the conversation. Vaccine education has become very important to me and while I do enjoy discussing it with others at times, I've come to hate the fact that it seems to dominate and often overshadow autism-related information. When the "V debate" takes over our conversations and discussions about autism and other disabilities, it sometimes feels like we are losing ground, losing learning opportunities, and even worse, dividing ourselves into teams when we should be doing the exact opposite.
It can definitely be a hard topic on which to find a middle ground. I've seen many a mom trying to warn others about the possible negatives of vaccinating because they don't want to see others endure the pain that they may have endured with a disabled child. I've seen just as many moms on the other side of the argument who feel that they must warn others about the potential risks of NOT vaccinating. In most cases, I genuinely believe that both sides are trying to help. Unfortunately, information that may be intended to help or inform can easily be twisted into some pretty heinous arguments. I can't say that I haven't been guilty of this myself, but it always bums me out to see moms of kids with special needs fighting over what may or may not have caused their child's issues.
So many of us already have the odds stacked against us and our children; it's so important to try our best not to let these things divide us. As the mom of a little guy with autism and also as someone who has strong beliefs in regards to vaccines, I'm trying to do my part by keeping my thoughts to myself more often unless I am directly asked for advice. It's okay by me if someone tells me that they are 100% sure that vaccines had no part in their child's disability, and if another person wants to tell me that their child's disability was caused by Twinkies or blue cheese or whatever else, I'm not going to argue with them either. What's the point? It's details at that point, and I definitely don't have anything to prove. One thing that I believe with all of my heart is that telling someone what did or did not cause their child's disability is totally tacky, no matter how wrong you may be thinking that they are in your head.
Schematics aside, those of us in this ever-growing boat are in it together, no matter how we got here or how we THINK we got here. In light of realizing that we fail our kids when we let ourselves be bogged down by pointless arguing, being more accepting of others' opinions (even in relation to something I feel so strongly about) is something I'm definitely trying to work on. We can accomplish so much more together; corny but always true.
How do you think moms should or shouldn't talk about the hot topic of vaccinations?
Previous Special Needs Living posts from aurorabunny:
Comments (7)
If you see your child developing normally until he has his 15 month shots then he loses skills and begins to have delays. You know there is a correlation and I don't care how others think. I know the facts. I don't fight with anyone else about it.
Great post again!
I guess I feel that if you are unprepared, unwilling, or unable to listen to someone else's point of view without "gunning them down" with your "facts", then you're best to stay out of the discussion. I don't understand what has happened to civility in discussions. Why do they have to become "I'm right, you're wrong" exchanges? A response of "I can see your opinion is as strong as mine, what kinds of information have led you to believe that?" seems like a good way to allow the other mom (on both sides of the disagreement) to be able to vent her frustrations, beliefs and feelings, therefore giving each other the much needed "shoulder", rather than more alienation. We are in this challenge together and if you find you've become so embittered that you cannot remember that the lady on the other side of your discussion has many of the same struggles and feelings and deserves respect and kudos for getting through each day, than you should not even join in. And that is my humble opinion.
ummmmm twinkies......... sorry, I digress. What an excellent post and really the topic of this post is true of just about every parenting issue in debate. I have very strong opinions regarding vaccinations but like my daughter, the OP, I keep these opinions to myself unless invited to discuss them. I do this because I understand that even if I DID think that vaccinations cause autism in some children I also realize that vaccines may not be the ONLY contributing factor. The jury is still out for me until they can produce more definitive answers and pray DAILY for more research to be done in this area. In the meantime, I will listen and respect every opinion of any mama because after all... isn't that what this social network spot is all about?
'One thing that I believe with all of my heart is that telling someone what did or did not cause their child's disability is totally tacky, no matter how wrong you may be thinking that they are in your head'
The part I quoted I felt has the most impact and needs to be repeated more and more often. However I feel that while there are times where discussing a correlation between vaccines (or BPA, or Whatever) is inappropriate (as is how some people go about discussing it) there are times where it is highly relevant.
It's important for new mothers, and expirienced mothers to discuss and share pertinent information regarding procedures and the health impact they may have on their child. Telling a parent whoes child has autism that they caused it by vaccinating their kids is not only innapropriate, but not accurate even if there is a proven link between Autism and Vaccines. Why? Because like most diseases there is more then one reason (or cause) for it. And theres no way to know exactly why this specific child has autism.
So yes, I think it's important to discuss it, to try to help the health of those that are unborn, to fuel research on these topics, to increase awarness. But when it starts in on the personal attacks you need to draw the line.
I submit my apology to all those women I have offended or angered by my very strong views on vaccinations. I see that you are right, aurorabunny, and it is not my place to "convince" a person to do something that they believe is wrong. I guess I thought that if i hit someone over the head hard enough they would change their mind. My poor attempts at educating come off as belligerent. I will keep my views to myself unless they are specifically requested. :)
Char, I don't know you but I have never seen you around here being rude to anyone. It's just such a hard position to be in I think on either side.
I am an outspoken person and I know I have been guilty of ramrodding people with my views on vaccines. One day I attended an autism conference put on by our local school district, and a young woman (who had no children but was supposedly an "autism expert") was actually teaching the staff what did and did NOT cause autism, and instructed them to gently let parents know they were "misinformed" if they said anything about their child's autism being caused by vaccines.
At the time, I agreed with the woman's stance on vaccines although now I can't say the same. But despite the fact that I agreed with her stance, it really stung me that this woman was standing up there like a God telling total strangers what did or did not cause their child's disability. That was when it hit me that I never wanted to make anyone feel like that, no matter if I agreed with them or not.
All I can ask of other moms is to beg them to do vaccine research. Regardless of what decision they come to, then they can feel confidant in their choice and be educated on the facts.
As a mom to an Aspie, and a person with AS, I do not believe that vaccines have anything to do with causing Autism. I do however, believe that toxins in the shots play a part in waking up what was already there.