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This week, CafeMom aurorabunny shares several strategies she has learned and uses to prepare herself and her son with autism for all the changes that come with celebrating the holidays.
Each week in Special Needs Living, aurorabunny, mom to 3-year old Brody, who has autism, shares her ongoing triumphs and struggles parenting a child with special needs.
Making Holidays Special for Children with Special Needs
by aurorabunny
Bright lights, loud noises, unusual foods, and relatives who may be virtual strangers... sometimes the sights and sounds of the holidays are enough to make MY head spin. So I can only imagine how the holiday hustle and bustle must feel to my autistic son and other children who have special needs. While the holiday season is still admittedly our toughest time of the year, I have collected some strategies over the past few years that help make things easier on all of us.
Adapt, adapt, adapt!
I really can't stress the need for adaptability enough. It took me a few years to realize its importance, but once I did, the theory behind it was simple; it's better to have a holiday that strays a bit from tradition than a rigidly "normal" Christmas that ends with everyone being miserable.
Little things that might need to be changed can often be easy to spot. For some reason, my son Brody is terrified of wrapping paper, so we stopped wrapping the presents. He also has a fear of all things new (since they are a deviation from his routine; something autistic children can be particularly obsessive about), so last year instead of piling the gifts under the tree, we placed them sporadically around his playroom and let him discover them on his own.
We also make sure at every holiday to keep at least one aspect of his daily routine the same. Last year, on both Christmas and Thanksgiving, we let Brody wake up at his normal time and have his normal breakfast before beginning any holiday festivities; that little bit of normality really seemed to help despite the chaos of the rest of the day.
Start planning for Christmas in July
Talking about the holidays for weeks or even months before they occur can REALLY make a difference for a child with special needs. This is a lesson that I've learned from the wonderful teachers and therapists at my son's school. I was honestly a little confused when they started reading books about Halloween and playing with costumes in the middle of September. But lo and behold, my son was totally excited for trick-or-treating by the time Halloween came around, and that was definitely a first.
Preparing kids with special needs for what to expect well in advance can really temper the anxiety that seems to wage war on our children — especially when the holiday festivities force us to deviate from their routines.
Get some support
I know that the biggest anxiety over the holidays can sometimes come from having to deal with the reactions/advice/full-on rudeness of family and extended family who may not necessarily understand your child's special needs. Try to explain your child's needs to family and friends well in advance, if at all possible. Things seem to go more smoothly when everyone knows why you might be microwaving your child his typical dinner instead of passing him the yams or why your family may only be able to stay at a large gathering for an hour or so.
I have been blessed with a wonderfully understanding family who loves my son and would make any and every accommodation for him possible. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about my in-laws. So last year I gave them all copies of a letter that I found on the internet, titled Holiday Letter for families with Autism. It is a letter that breaks down and explains exactly why the holidays can be so rough on children with autism and is written from the point of view of an individual with autism.
If all else fails, the best holiday-coping strategy is just to go with the flow. No matter how well you prepare, there will always be a meltdown over something, an ignorant uncle who thinks that your child just needs a "good spanking," or perhaps a visit to the ER to remove an ingested Christmas doodad. (Ornaments that look like candy = worst invention ever.)
Moms, just try your best to focus on the positives, like the one toy that your child absolutely DOES love or maybe even the fact that this season only comes once a year. (Hallelujah!)
How do you prepare yourself and your child for the holidays?
Previous Special Needs Living posts from aurorabunny:
Special-Needs Kids and Special Occasions
Comments (5)
When my dd was young, I used to rearrange our living room & their bedroom frequently, not realizing why my dd would sit in the hallway before entering the room. Two years ago we got her dx of aspergers, the counselor told me that rearranging the room had actually helped her learn how to accept & adapt to changes. I realize this type of extreme change will do more harm than good to some autistic children, I do believe we need to challenge their boundaries too. With little steps, perhaps at mealtime, one could present "just one bite" of a different food before giving them their usual meal. Then, the next day two bites etc...as tolerated by the child. These little steps can help the child learn to accept new things more easily if they are presented during calm regular routines. I do think any holiday, where routine is tough IS NOT the time to do this, but rather find routines that can keep the child grounded to fit into the holiday chaos, as aurorabunny stated. We used to have the kids open gifts at Christmas throughout the day so they could play with that item for a while calmly, & family could see appreciation in the attention given to their gift. I think the most important thing to remember during the holidays is to have boundaries & adhere to them for you and your child's well-being....after all if no one enjoys the holidays what's the point?
I really think that letter is a great idea. Not just for holidays either! It could really help anybody have a better understanding of autism I think.
We bring routine into the holiday. We set up the decorations the same time every year and my 9 year old's job is to set up our "Christmas Town" (little ceramic buildings I painted years ago). He lines the buildings up into 2 perfectly even rows (and if anyone comes along and moves them, he knows it and fixes them). We give each of our children special jobs around the holidays but otherwise try to keep our usual routine intact.
I think my son would love to do one of those "Christmas Town" type of things. We happened to walk by a little Halloween Town type of thing this year at Target and he went nuts for it. I wish all of the pieces weren't so expensive!
An absolutely terrific posting Katie. Great suggestions and ideas. The adaptations that I have seen you make as you raise Brody makes me so proud of you BOTH!! Thanks for your sweet comment about the wonderful family you have. You have taught your dad and I a lot from the adaptations that you have learned all on your own. We are proud of you and we ADORE Brody. He is a joy to us all. (okay... well maybe not tonight but...... lol...)