Photo by rockerchic
One mom's question about whether or not to pierce her 4-year old's ears sure sparked some debate over in The CafeMom Newcomers Club recently.
What's interesting to me is that age wasn't the controversy, it was gender — her child is a boy. So in an era when many CafeMoms agree that little boys should be allowed to do ballet, many at the same time believe that earrings are only for girls, not boys.
Wow. What year is it?
My 3-year old and 6-year old boys happen to like this navy blue nail polish I have, and both asked for me to paint their nails. I obliged, warning the 6-year old that some of the kids at school may not think boys should wear nail polish.
Sure enough, society acted just like I knew they would. He got teased for "being a girl," and we removed the nail polish. We had another long talk about gender roles and stereotypes. And somehow, I feel a little like a failure...
Of course, I understand why we, as adults, must follow certain social norms to get jobs, to be respected, to be taken seriously — and what that means if we choose not to. However, it depresses me that these rules hit kids so young and that a young boy can't even play around with putting color on his fingers without being teased.
And that still the worst thing a boy can be called is a "girl" — even in this day and age.
I wouldn't let my boys (or girls if I had them) get their ears pierced at four years old. Piercings are a big responsibility. And as a mom, I don't want to have to worry about another wound-worthy body part that I'd also have to clean on a daily basis. So I was pretty shocked that gender was the bigger issue in the thread.
I am so tired (if not bored) of the notion that boys and girls should be stuck in a box based on their gender. Truly, I am.
Do you teach your children to act within strict gender roles – boys do boyish things, girls do girlish things...? If so, how far do you go? If not, how do you handle when society's perspective comes crashing in?
Will You Get Your Baby's Ears Pierced?
Tips for Piercing Your Baby's Ears
Body Piercings: Should a 12-Year-Old Be Allowed to Get Them?
Ashley Is a Widow Who Stays Strong...
This Hot Dad Wants to Vacuum Your Rug
This Hot Dad Wants to Do Your Ironing
KStew Refuses to Shower
Comments 33
You know, I think I do this subconciously. I don't even know I'm doing it! Do we have a dolls, yes, but my 2 year old boy likes cars, trains and dinosaurs. (and I'd paint his nails if he wanted it.) Was that natural or was that our influence by exposing him to those things first? What role does daycare play in influencing this? Does he like these toys better because he sees boys playing with them?
On the flip side, he doesn't like sports. I played sports as a kid as did DH, but we don't like watching sports now. I know other boys in his class like sports, so that again brings the question of what' s natural interest vs. influence, whether that concious or subconcious.
I plan on my kids learning martial arts, Ballet, and Music no matter the gender. I hope they get into sports, no matter the gender. Right now I only have one son.... And yes.. He has a doll.
I think that piercing a young boys ears is a little to extreme. It's a permanent alteration of the body done only for cosmetic purposes, a decision that a 4 year old boy, a 6 year old boy and perhaps even an 8 year old boy cannot make while knowing the full repercussions.
Gender lines are....nothing to big in our home. My son wears my high heels but we all know it's because his fathers shoes are to heavy. He loves to wear my chapstick and my MIL didn't hesitate to put strawberry lipgloss on him when he asked for it. My oldest brother used to put barrettes in his hair (some jelousy from younger siblings/ cousins) and I would never hesitate if my child wanted to wear a little nail polish. If my boy wants flower sheets like his uncle, why would I say no?
There are some lines we wont bend, however. My son wont wear dresses (we don't own any his size), and we wont pierce his ears. Personally, society never much favored the short, freckled nerd (me) either so why would I give crap what they thought of the rest of my family? Society can stuff it.
I agree with ethans_momma06, in that society can stuff it. I've dealt with my family being very very stuffy about things like gender lines and stuff, mostly with myself. Being female, they didn't think it was right for me to go into auto mechanics, a mainly male dominated field. But things like my aunt calling my 14 year old male cousin a 'faggot' because he got his ear pierced. (This is her brother's son, her nephew that she adopted when he got sent to rehab for like the millionth time, but that's neither here nor there)
My husband wears nail polish (black mostly, but still) and makeup on occasion. I tend to be more of a tomboy than anything. Screw gender lines. They don't mean as much as they used to anyway, and I pity the kids who's parents are teaching them to live by their own stereotypes.
i have a 4 1/2 yr old boy who likes dora the explorer now i dont care if he watches it gets dvds or even gets a toy or 2 but i wont let him wear the clothes or ware pink clothes anyway theres my views on that subject
I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and I think I let him play with "girl" things to an extent. We live with my parents so there are dolls here and dress clothes (for my niece who is also 2 1/2) I don't care that he plays with them and he even wears her shoes too. I have noticed though that he would rather play with his trucks and "boy" things...which I am glad. With that being said I would not let him out of the house in any of my neices things or carry her dolls around outside.
As far as nail polish and piercings go there is no way I would get his ears pierced..ever. If he decides to when he's older that's his choice. My sister painted his nails neon pink once and I had a fit. Polish is one thing..color is another..lol..
Nope, I don't keep my son in a box. But I won't be getting his ear(s) peirced. I think that is a decision HE will have to make. I wouldn't give him a tattoo either...because it may not be something he would want...that's how I look at it, at least.
I personally don't like peircings on a boy, so I'd never pierce my son's ears (if I have a boy). I would paint his toe nails but not finger nails. I would not dress him in pink or dresses. But I wouldn't mind him playing with dress up clothes (dresses, heels, I don't care) and dolls. Ballet is fine too.
I only have a three year old daughter right now though. She loves jewelry and dolls and dress up. She also loves Thomas, cars and bugs. This year she is asking Santa for a dinosaur. However, if she came home from preschool and said she wanted to cut her hair short like the boy in her class, I would say no.
I agree with ethans_momma06
Gender roles really aren't defined. My mother is positive that because my son has a few purple sippy cups, and binkys that he will 'turn' gay. He has dolls, and stuffed animals with lace on them. If he ever wants me to buy him a doll or pink sheets for his bed, I will. Why shouldn't he get to choose what he likes? Who am I to tell him that he can't play house? Doesn't that teach him how to be a dad?
However I would not peirce his ears. I would not pierce any child's ears unless they were a teenager. I don't think kids understand the responsibility of pierced ears at such a young age. If my son wanted his ears pierced and he was mature enough to handle the cleaning and stuff, I would let him get them. A mature teenager is responsible enough to understand the decision s/he is making and can care for the ears him/herself.
I think exposure to many different toys is healthy. My son is a boys' boy but I bought him a kitchen set as well as a doll and he loves them both! I think we push kids these days to conform to such a rigid, one-way-or-the-highway society that it encourages narrow-minded thinking. Within safe and healthy boundaries kids should be able to express themselves. I personally think that getting a baby's ear pierced is really cute but is definitely for the benefit of the parents. Getting a child's ears pierced is a different story. If they ask to get this done, go for it-regardless of their gender.
I recently heard that there's a couple in Europe causing a commotion b/c they're not telling anyone the sex of their newborn. They dress the child in unisex clothing. They want the child to choose who he/she is as a person, not being categorized for their gender. I think this is taking things too far.