Follow The Stir

Mom Confessions: I Have a Family, But I'm Lonely

by Sheri Reed on September 11, 2009 at 11:00 AM

mom confessionsIt's time for a Mom Confession — because, let's face it, we're real mothers and sometimes it doesn't work the way the parenting books say it should.

This Week's Confession:

I have a family, but I'm lonely.

I feel awful even saying this... I have a great husband and three healthy kids, ages 1.5, 3, and 7, but I'm lonely. To my core, I feel lonely. My husband and I don't get much quality time alone together. We're always on the go or exhausted. I have a few girlfriends close by, but we're all busy with our families. When we do get together, it's rushed and not always meaningful. I find myself longing for the days when I felt connected to other adults in a real way. Am I crazy?  -- anonymous

Question: Do you ever feel lonely, despite being married and/or having a family?
  1. Yes, sometimes, but a "date night" or "girls night" usually makes me feel better. 27%
  2. Yes, but the kids are only young once. It will get better. 18%
  3. Yes, and it's an awful feeling. 51%
  4. No, I'm pretty content with my family around me. 0%
  5. Other (write in below) 1%
Total Votes: 166
Voting on polls is not available on The Stir Mobile.

We all have secrets and opinions — so thanks to this brave mom for sharing her honest thoughts, and thank you for keeping this conversation non-judgemental!

Do you have a Mom Confession you want to share? PM me. We can share your confession with your CafeMom screenname or anonymously.

Past Confessions:

I Lie and Say I'm "Working" to Avoid Playing

I Let My Son Fall Asleep to DVDs

I Don't Shield My Kids' Eyes from Nudity

I Use Housecleaning to Avoid Playing With My Kids

I Am Not a Fun Mom

I Don't Set Up Play Dates for My Kids

I Wish I Had a Fulfilling Career Outside the Home

I Use My Kid's Flushable Toilet Wipes

I'm Going to Disney Without My Children

I Bribe My Children

I Hate Reading Children's Books

I Sleep Naked With My Toddler

I Hate My Neighbor's Kid

I Don't Like to Play

I Sleep While My Kid Is Up

My Kid Watches TV Up Close

I Let My Toddler Play Outside Alone

I Turn My Kids Over to A Mom I Just Met

My Toddler Wears Crude T-Shirts

I Let My Toddlers Climb Play Equipment Unassisted

My Kids Go to Sleep After Midnight

I Let My Toddlers Go Naked in Public

I Throw Away My Kid's Artwork

I Paid $22 for My Son's Haircut

My Toddlers Eat Pizza for Breakfast

I'm Dying My Toddler's Hair

I Leave My Toddler Alone in the Bath

Our Children Aren't Invited to Our Wedding

I Scold Other People's Kids

I'm on Vacation, But My Kid Is Still Going to Day Care

I Favor My Older Child

I Let My Toddler Eat Food Before Paying for It

I Find Excuses to Send My Kids to Bed Early

Filed Under: confessions

Comments

11
  • numbe...
    --

    number1mom1804

    September 11, 2009 at 11:29 AM

    I totally feel you and no you are deff not crazy!!!  I don't even have any girlfriends and this past week my DH has been working out of town, so I haven't had any adult interaction in DAYS....I think I am going to go crazy!  I created my cafemom to meet some other moms and make some friends but the people I meet never lead any where...I have run outta ideas.  Am I just destin to live life without any girl friends?  It's been 6 years since we started our family and I was so young the friends I had then didn't fit my new upcoming lifestyle.  So ever since then it has just been me and my immediate family (who, most the time, has something better to do than hang out with me).  Who has the time or the energy to make new friends?  I'm lost but I hope you the best!  If you need anyone to talk to I am here...


  • RanaA...
    --

    RanaAurora

    September 11, 2009 at 1:13 PM

    I definitely get lonely, even if I'm never ALONE.


  • Lovep...
    --

    Loveplusmama

    September 11, 2009 at 2:32 PM

    I'm lucky that I hang out pretty regularly with 4 other couples- all with kids ages 1-3. It's a lot of work to see each other regularly (we do semi-weekly dinners so we can see each other and visit each's other families). Some days, it's all I can do to drag myself there (we are tired!) but it's great to see my friends and their kids too. A few bonuses have come from it too- 1. As the kids get older, they play together better, leaving more time for adults to chat adn 2. DS gets to know the other adults who he feels comfortable around. That has come in handy for some much needed "kid-free" time on a few occasions. Later, it will be great to have some adults with similar values in my son's life.


  • Lumin...
    --

    LuminousMom

    September 12, 2009 at 1:21 AM

    I'm lonely as hell.. I live in Utah, 900 miles away from all my family and friends. We're (meaning me and the kids) going there for a month.. they think its for THEM.. but really? Its for me.


  • Freela
    --

    Freela

    September 12, 2009 at 4:06 PM

    I spent my firist five years or so as a mom feeling desperately lonely.  For the first two years or so I quite literally had no mom friends.  My dh is very quiet and I felt like I had no adult company.  After I had my middle child I did meet some SAHM friends, but the location was not conveniant so we seldom get together due to the distance.  Finally when my middle child was three I hit it off with two moms who I met at swim class and for the past two years have finally had good friends in my geographical area- it has made a huge difference and I appreciate them so much because it has been SO long since I"ve had actual friends who I see more than once every couple of months!


  • turtl...
    --

    turtleluvr

    September 13, 2009 at 10:14 PM

    Wow after reading this I feel a little better knowing Im not the only one who gets lonely. My husband works 48 hr shifts and then goes to another job when hes done. I dont really have close girlfriends either and we dont hang out with other couples because he is always too tired.  My kids are 17, 10, and 1. I dont know anyone with kids the same age especially being so far apart in age. Its really different to have a baby again after 9 years. My area has a prominent religion in which I am not a part of so I sort of feel like an outcast in my neighborhood(The other women are snooty about it). I hope to move someday to a neighborhood with kids and nice people like me.  Does it exist?


  • Lexsi...
    --

    LexsiesMommy

    September 16, 2009 at 1:02 AM

    LOL.....going naked in public i dunno about that one...


  • marci...
    --

    marcie1455

    September 20, 2009 at 5:16 AM

    I can relate to the loneliness.  I'm a small town girl who ended up getting married 5 years ago.  We moved to of all places NY city. We have no family, nor real friends here. I became a SAHM after my first baby, now 4.  My husband's career always keeps him busy.  He teaches school and is currently taking classes, in addition to being  in the military reserves. I have not adjusted well at all. I am the mom of a 4 year old and a 17 month old child.  In addition I took on the responsibility of two teenaged step sons, whom we've had since our marriage began. My husband has been on deployments during this time, (last time a year in Iraq). I feel stressed a lot, having to cook meals, and never hearing an adult voice.  In addition, living in Manhatten I had to learn about trains and alternate side parking, and it was a huge culture shock etc... we recently moved to Queens, which is somewhat better, but people are so busy and in their own worlds. They are nice, but have no time for you.  I'm glad I found cafe moms.  Maybe we can get through this together.


  • RoseP...
    --

    RosePetalTears

    November 21, 2009 at 12:26 PM

    I am extremely loney. I have 3 kids, a 3 yr old, 21 month old and 7 month old. My dh works alot and when he isn't working he is out with his buddies or his brother.  Plus we're 900 miles away from everything I've known and are in his home town...so needless to say. It sucks. I hate not having adults to interact with, not being able to take a shower some days because I can't get any type of break from the kids, money is tight right now so I can't go any place, and am just getting down right depressed about it.  If I talk to my dh about how lonely I am he gets mad because he thinks I'm blaming him!   He knows I have some resentment towards him for moving us back to his hometown, with all his buddies, and then leaving me behind in everything saying if we didn't have kids it'd be different and that I would be more included. 


  • Manda...
    --

    Mandalynn252

    January 12, 2010 at 7:47 PM

    Even though I keep myself pretty busy there are times when I want to have some adult interaction. I am grateful for one of my friends who has really stuck by me while all my other friends have disapeared. My husband and I try to do at least one thing a night together and talk. I started taking classes for a degree and it helped me tremendously. I would recommend if you can take an enrichment course or join a book club. Some task where you can have other women over for coffee and food while you're kids play. Local libraries and churches are a great place to start.


1-10 of 11 comments

To leave a comment, log in as a CafeMom member:

Log In

OR, use our non-member comment form: