Should the Word "Fat" Be Taboo?

on July 18, 2009 at 7:50 AM

the word fat A friend of mine once got mad when I used the word "fat" in front of her toddler daughter. I forget the exact context. I might have said, "I think I'm getting fat," or "I don't want to eat that because I'll get fat," or "Do you think I'm fat?"

But she told me that word in reference to weight was off-limits around her daughter. To her, "fat" runs a straight line to "negative body image," and she wants her daughter to love herself whether she ended up big or small.

My friend isn't the only one who feels that way. Responding to a post from a mom describing her 4 year old's comment, "Mommy, you're fat!", one CafeMom wrote:

"It's sad that a 4 year old even knows the term "fat." I spell certain words in front of my 5 year old and that would be one of them."

I'm all for creating a positive body image and for teaching my children not to judge people who look different than you. I detest the way the media degrades all women who don't have the body of a fence post ... but am I missing something here?

I have kids now, and I still use the word "fat" in front of them.

Not "fat" to make fun, judge or criticize someone else, but to point out that "fat" more times than not also means "unhealthy." It's a proven fact. Not "fat" as in "an extra 30 extra pounds" or "can't get into my size 6 jeans anymore" or "just had a baby and can't lose the weight" or "overweight because of a thyroid, endocrine, or other medical disorder."

"Overweight" is the better word here. Those things are not "fat."

I use the word "fat" with my kids when they complain they want more ice cream and candy, when the refuse to eat their vegetables, when they want to be lazy and watch TV all day. When they are older I will tell them that "fat" is developing type 2 diabetes at 20, going blind from retinopathy at 40, and losing a limb from severe insulin intolerance at 60. Fat is when you don't even try to be healthy.

Words and their underlying meanings can be powerful tools with kids. I don't think "fat" is a bad word. I think it's a proactive and honest word when used the right way.

Do you use the word "fat" around your kids or is this a banned word? What other words to you spell out in front of your toddlers?

About the author Cynthia Dermody

is The Stir's Managing Editor who has trophies in her home for her skills at the Irish Jig. She makes cupcakes with as many fattening ingredients as possible, doesn't comb her hair for months at a time, and was probably a faerie in a former life.

Filed Under: health, language

Comments (17)

JPsMommy605

on Jul 18, 2009 at 10:17 AM

I don't think it should be taboo, but explained, as you do, in a healthy conscientious way. The only taboo "non-cussing" word in my house is "hate" - and even then, it's not taboo per se, but it is frowned up on because it's such a strong word. My son is starting to learn that words can HURT, and for me, hate is one of those words that hurt the most because it's indicative of such a strong negative emotion. He'll understand when he grows older like I did, but until then, I remind him to use words like "I don't like" or "I don't want" instead of "I hate"...but then I have to catch myself when I say things like "I hate it when that happens...!" But as for Fat, I'm fat - I know I am, and I know that there are lots of different reasons why people are overweight, but rather than making it taboo, it's a learning opportunity about how words affect people and how everyone is different in some way or other.

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aurorabunny

on Jul 18, 2009 at 11:15 AM

I agree with the previous poster that the word should not be banned but used in the context of an adjective and not an insult. I have a good friend who says she knows she's fat, and well, she is. It doesn't mean anything negative about her. When I was fat I knew it and I said it too. It's not a dirty word.

RanaAurora

on Jul 18, 2009 at 12:00 PM

What they said.

toriandgrace

on Jul 18, 2009 at 12:08 PM

Fat fat fat fat fat! People are too high strung and up tight.

Godspitgrl

on Jul 18, 2009 at 12:50 PM

I can see both sides of this. I will not be upset if other people say it in front of my kids. At the same time I am not sure I will "teach" my child this word. Not that I will not use it, tell them how to spell it, and so on, but I will try not to have it used in accordance to people. Not till they understand it more. I think there is a difference between big (like the original post hinted at) and fat. I think there is an unhealthy big (which I consider fat) and just having a hard time at the time. I had lost the weight from my kids (which was having a hard time big) then because of not eatting right and not exercising the way I should (but cant even though its a medical reason why) is fat. There is no reason I should have gotten back to my pregnant weight. Though I am not the same size (cause it is detributed differently now) I am the same weight which is not good for my body. While I am not to big (looking at me) I am definatly not the right size.

Lol, all that rambling to say. I dont think that it is bad word to use in front of kids if they know how to use it right themselves.

on Jul 18, 2009 at 1:38 PM

I think not making a big deal out of it takes the "insult factor" away.

If you tell your kids that some people are fat and some people are skinny and it's not a big deal either way then that's not making much fuss out of it. If you tell your kids that fat is a mean word and we don't say it then in my opinion that makes it much more likely that they'll try to use it as an insult.

number1mom1804

on Jul 18, 2009 at 7:45 PM

I teach my kids the good way to use certain words like fat. Like not to use it in an insulting manner. Like the post states being fat is a type of unhealthy lifestyle, not a judgement. One word that I absolutely hate and forbid in my house is STUPID.....I don't know why but it erks me so much. We use silly instead, it just sounds much sweeter to say someone is silly rather than saying they are stupid!!!!!

babyboomboom

on Jul 18, 2009 at 10:03 PM

The only word that is not used in my house is 'stupid' and that is because when I was a kid, I was called 'stupid' all day every day by my father(he was very emotionally abusive) and I hate that word so much that I won't teach it to my kid and if he picks it up at school and starts using it, I'll wash his mouth out with soap.

prettymama0607

on Jul 19, 2009 at 12:51 AM

that's just ridiculous! it's a WORD, not a gun, there's nothing wrong with the word fat, what about saying " man that cat is really fat" it's a word, intonation is really the thing you have to worry about if you're going to worry about that type of thing.

Slieurance

on Jul 19, 2009 at 1:41 PM

It is a word and some people have to have something to get upset about. I am "overweight" and should be taking better care of myself, but I do not find the word offensive.

That is not to say I want someone to come up to me and say "Hey you are really fat". But I would not want them to come up and say "Hey you are really overweight" either.

A word is a word it all depends on how you use it.