Looks like actress Liv Tyler recently had a little run-in with a woman scolding a toddler and allegedly hitting the child as well.
Tyler says she "couldn't take it" and "had to do something," so she got in a minor shouting match with the woman.
Do you think Liv did the right thing?
In her book Bad Mother, Ayelet Waldman calls this "busting a Bad Mother." And, for me, these are pretty murky waters — when to step in and when to stand back and assume the mother or caretaker has the situation and/or (gulp!) herself under control.
I mean, it's pretty rare to see out and out child abuse along the street. However, it's not that rare to see a parent who has, well, snapped in a frustrating moment (whether it's one in an awful cycle of frustrating moments, we do not always know...).
In a recent article In Defense Of Kate Gosselin (Well, Sort Of) that takes a look at the Kate Gosselin "spanking incident" and all the follow-up judgmentalism, Sweetney writes, "we're lying to ourselves and each other if we deny we haven't at one time or other been, or at least come dangerously close to being, the parent scrutinized and judged..."
So when, if ever, do we, as mere voyeurs to possibly a single "Bad Mother" (or Bad Father) situation, deem it our place to step in? When do you simply have to do something?
And possibly more importantly, how? What is the right way to step into an obvious parenting moment gone badly in a supportive and helpful way (without risking getting poked in the nose).
What would you do or have you done in a situation where a parent seems out of control? Is it ever right to step in on someone else's parenting?
Comments (12)
It's a tough situation. I have a neighbor a few houses down who just SCREAMS at her poor little toddlers day and night, cusses them and calls them names. She disgusts me, I don't think people like that deserve to have kids. But there's nothing I can do about. She's obviously the type of person who if I said something she would tell me where to go and I wouldn't be doing any good.
I think it is REALLY hard to judge accurately what is going on, because by the time you notice things have already escalated. So, for the most part, I try to mind my own business. After all... NO form of dicipline looks good in front of other people, even if you are just trying to get your toddler to take a darn time-out.
However, if I feel that the child is in danger of some serious harm, then I will step in. No reason to physically beat (not spank, but beat) a small child. Of course you try to insert your self in away that isn't detrimental to the whole reason why the child is being diciplined...it's just an akward thing to do, rarely ever done a 'right' way.
It really depends on the situation. Sometimes you can help defuse a situation that's starting to get scary, by offering some sympathy to the mom.
For example, you see a mom looking like she's getting ready to wring her crying baby's neck, or punt the slow toddler into the car. Something like, "Oh boy, I remember those days! Sooo frustrating! That's when I start counting the hours until bedtime, when they look so sweet and innocent."
Unless the child is actually in immediate danger, I don't think there's ever a time for a parent to step on another parents toes like that. Who des Liv Tyler think she is? That mother has the right to discipline her child. Whether someone agrees with spanking a child as a punishment or not is irrelevant. If you are not the childs' parent or guardian, SHUT THE HELL UP AND MIND YOUR BUSINESS.
BaisMom, it doesn't say spanking, it says hitting.
Since you didn't actually see what was going on, I'd assume it's safe to say that Liv MAY have done the right thing... but since we don't know what was going on, we can't say for sure.
I have felt compelled to difuse a situation with another mom & her child when I was at the store. The child kept screaming & the mom raised her hand and I quickly & in a stage whisperish voice told my dd "Look, you're not the only one who can drive a mommy crazy". The mom looked back at me like "What?" And I simply acknowledged her frustration with a toddler who doesn't always listen. While we were talking my dd & her ds were chattering & it gave mom & child just enough distraction to alleviate the situation.
I'm not comfortable criticizing someone else's parenting, but I can not allow a child to be struck because a parent is angry.
If you decide to intervene with a parent who you believe has lost control with her child, YOU had better ensure you aren't acting out in the heat of your own emotions either. Otherwise you are looking for trouble.
I have seen parents loosing control in public before. Most of the time they need support, and verbally attacking them is the LAST way to offer assistance. Sometimes just making a supportive comment like RanaAurora suggests can cool an angry parent off and realize the public is watching. Whereas, jumping in with judgemental comments about a parents' discipline will only incite an argument. And if the child is indeed being abused regularly, who do you think will get the brunt of THAT fight once the parent gets home?
Oh, and can I also comment on Liv's outfit?
Those shorts make her hips and thighs look huge, and come ON... you can wear a racerback bra with a racerback tank top!
I have commented before, but more over negligence than abuse. When I see a toddler about to fall out of a cart and no one paying attention, I will walk up and tell the little girl, nice and loud, be careful sweetie, or you're going to fall and hit your head. It normally gets the parents attention. I'm sorry if they're annoyed, but I don't want a one year old falling from the cart onto a hard floor. I suppose if someone were to hit a child, not spank but slap in the face, etc. in front of me, I might say something.
i call it as i see it......i am not worried about a perfect stranger not liking me or being angry with me for stepping in and saying "that is not okay"....i see it like this....it matters to me because my children may eventually cross paths with your children....in school...sports...library and it matters to me what kind of influence yours has on mine...and no one has the right to abuse a child in any way....most people turn the cheek and dont get involved...or pass it off as not serious enough to intervene...or how ever they justify watching or hearing a defenseless child be abused