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Photo by greek4pets 
The toddler years are the perfect age to start teaching your kids manners and good habits. And MrsManners aka: Angela Pitre, owner of the CM group Manners for the Modern Family and FamilyMannersMadeFun.com, is here to help.
Dear MrsManners:
How do I teach
Is it normal for a toddler to strangle house pets? I have a 2 year old daughter and we recently got a Maltese dog. She and the dog seem to be best friends, but occasionally I notice she will take time out of her playing to try to strangle him.
Last night I noticed her squeezing so hard that SHE was shaking! We also have a cat, but I have never noticed her hurting him more than the normal pulling the tail and lifting by the head stuff. I am just wondering if it is normal for her to hurt the dog? -- anonymous
MrsManners says:
Whether you have pets in your home or not, you need to teach your toddler how to interact with them. Kids have nothing but love in their hearts for animals; they also have a natural sense of curiosity. While they are testing their own physical abilities and limitations, a sweet puppy may fall victim to an overzealous hug, possibly being hit, whacked with an object, strangled, etc.
This doesn't make your toddler violent, per say, it just means you need to work with her more on how to behave with your animals. You may have to keep a super close eye on the situation for a while, though.
As for the cat versus dog thing, I think children instinctively know which animals may or may not have a tolerance level for them. Cats emit a "keep your distance" vibe, and a dog is more apt to sit and take it.
So let's talk about how you should work with your toddler:
1. When it comes to your pets, as soon as possible (if you haven't already started, then start today), use a word like "gentle" every time they approach your pet. Show them what gentle is, soft petting. Use your hand and theirs at the same time to demonstrate it; you can also add "awww" for positive reinforcement while they are actually treating the animal the right way. We did this in our home and it worked well with our smallest dog to our largest.
2. Practice treating your animals with respect before letting your toddler approach someone else's pet. You don't know those pets the same way you know your own, and they don't know your toddler, either.
3. What if you don't have a pet? Well, try practicing with a stuffed animal, using the "gentle" method.
4. If you come across someone walking their dog and your child really wants to pet the dog, what do you do? First, teach your child to ask permission from the owner before approaching. They will let you know whether or not their dog is child friendly.
Respect what they say. If you are allowed to approach the dog, teach your child to let the dog sniff your hand (providing them an example), then that of your child's. After the dog has had the opportunity to become familiar with your scents, it will be safer to pet the dog. Again, use the words "gentle" and "awww" to reinforce the lessons you have taught with your own pets or toy ones.
One last tip would be to buy a book about pets, something that explains to them that pets need to be cared for like My Pet, by Debbie Bailey. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Angie aka MrsManners
Got a question for MrsManners? Ask it here! And check back every Tuesday for her answers.
Past Ask Mrs Manners columns:
10 Signs Your Toddler Is a Brat
Should Kids Be Forced to Share Toys?
Should Parents Say 'Thank You'?
How to Have Well Behaved Toddlers
Ashley Is a Widow Who Stays Strong...
Stephanie is a Surrogate Mom
I Named My Kid SpongeBob!
Emma Lives with Severe Food Allergies
Comments (13)
I'm completely shocked at this, honestly. If I EVER saw my son trying to hurt my cat - whether or not he knew it'd hurt her - I would have FLIPPED OUT, yanked him away from the animal and punished my kid, and made it VERY clear that there will be SEVERE punishment for that.
Think of it as if you walked in on your 2 year old strangling your newborn baby. It's just as serious and NOT okay.
I've heard stories about really little kids accidentally killing pets. We don't have any pets right now, but I figure I'll just get sturdy pets.
I don't see why people that have small children get pets, especially dogs. Don't they have enough work to do? LOL
I would never, ever allow my child to hurt an animal. I feel bad for your furbaby. I would really have to hold back from not smacking her and letting her know it's not right to intentionally hurt that poor defenceless animal. That's cruel. I hate stories like this. What is reason you can't discipline her for doing this. If you can't stop a two year old, than I'd find a good home for that poor furbaby.
I caught my friend's son beating my 10 wk puppy with a heavy metal train in his room. I grabbed that little boy and tossed him on his bed and growled at him so scary that if I ever caught him doing anything but sweet things to any animal ever agin that I would end him. It scared the bejeezus out of him, and he has been very nice to animals ever since.
I agree with the other ladies. This is a seriously punishable offense. Not only do you address the behavior and teach them right from wrong (and EMPATHY for other living things), but you better react like they'd just punched you in the face. They need to realize what they did was HORRIBLE, by eliciting a MEAN MOMMY voice and reaction from you.
Another thing you have to remember is that your child is at risk from being attacked by the animal out of SELF DEFENSE from behavior like this.
In my home we have more issues teaching our dog to be gentle with our toddler. I wish I could teach the dog the word gentle. I can just picture my dog petting my daughter say awwww. lol
We have a golden retriever. She was adopted from a shelter almost a year ago. We thought she was super calm and gentle when we got her, unfortunately, she had severe kennel cough and was very sick. Once she was better, she got CRAZY. I suppose if Grace has survived a year with the monster, she can survive another decade. I wish she was a little braver though. Every time the dog comes near her, there are tears a flowin'. Hopefully another year down the road everyone will have calmed down a bit.
We have a puppy that my son REALLY ignores!!! Its like he doesnt know she is there!! When she tries to play with him and licks his face he just shoves her away and keeps running!
Ladies, please do not misunderstand I LOVE my animals, they were my babies before I could have one. I think what I was trying to get at is how to avoid this from ever happening in the first place. If you have pets in your home, you need to work with you children immediately, the moment they can reach for or touch one. If you didn't know any better, then do better now that you know and keep a close eye on the situation for both the safety of your animal and toddler! As much as you don't want your dog hurt, you don't want your child hurt either.
Whew, okay. Yes, I TOTALLY agree with you that your methods are what everyone should be doing the SECOND they're around animals (or before), to PREVENT these situations.
I just wanted it to be clear that if your kiddo gets to the point where your child is doing something that could potentially kill your pet, you need to take seriously, IMMEDIATE actions. Also remembering that if your child is strangling the dog, the dog may fight back and hurt your child, and the dog had every right.