Moms and Kids as Equals -- New Parenting Approach

consentual living

Photo by Christy.Cab

It's called Consentual Living -- it basically means that you and your toddler are equals. You are no longer the boss, and she is no longer the underling.

No more time-outs or spanks. No taking away consequences to discourage bad behavior. No, well, no more work for us moms at all!

Parent Dish goes into the Consentual Living philosophy and bit more deeply and provides a link to the movement's main site, but here's an example of how it might work in practice:

"If little Bobby hits another child on the playground, Dad might talk to him about how hitting is wrong and offer him other ways to express his anger, but he won't make him apologize. If 2-year-old Susie doesn't want to tag along with mom to her doctor's appointment, mom might cancel her appointment."

So, punishments and rewards are considered "tools of manipulation" and unnecessary when the whole family is working together toward a common goal. When parents put themselves in the role of authority, they may believe they are doing it for the child's good, but they could be missing an opportunity to have more connected relationships with their children, a spokeswoman for the movement says.

This would not work in my house. If I did this, we'd be watching the CARS movie 24/7, adopting 30 puppies, and eating brownies for dinner every night.


Do you agree with the Consentual Living approach to parenting? Have you or would you try it?

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south... southernlamom

No way, no how. I say this from both a personal perspective as a mother AND a professional aspect as a former teacher. No. End of story. Children NEED parents, NOT friends. WIth no boundries, no respect, leads to no discipline and thus chaos. Contrary to what you may think, children actually THRIVE with PROPER discipline and rules.

And DEFINIATELY not an option if your child has any kind of special need..agreed.

HAH sensory processing and consentual no.

Agent... AgentBrez

no freaking way.

human... humanjunglegym

That is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever read.  What happens when the kid gets older and a teacher or some other authority figure (cops??) try to discipline their kid?  It sets up the child for a lot of confusion on why they don't get to do what they want in the real world.

Augusta Augusta

No! That is just retarded.

liato... liatori333

Personally I think this is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of.  My sister tried this and now her 20 year old is a high school dropout (she signed the papers at age 17 because "he is going to do it anyway when he turns 18"), he has no job and punches holes her in walls.  Her 19 year old did get his GED but has no job.  Her 16 year is pregnant and is not attending school.  All three of her children have been taken away from her by the state when they were teenagers and spent time in state run homes for troubled children.  Her boys have been in trouble with the law.  My other sister has full control of her children.  Her two older ones are in college (one on a scholarship) and her other daughter is a straight A high school Freshman.  Discipline is EVERYTHING!!!

LifeA... LifeApprentice

Though I didn't know it had a name, we do a less radical version of this at home (I would never cancel a dr. appointment because my child didn't want to go) and it has had a dramatic effect on the overall energy and harmony of our household. My kids are 2 and 4.   We are all much happier and calmer.  Everyone is getting their needs met.  No more power struggles.  No more punishments, yelling, negative interactions, etc.  Maybe some of you should actually try it for a few days, before posting such ignorant comments.  I knew their had to be a better way, and I found it. 

artsy... artsymom0329

Why?? You can parent your children and be the the authority figure AND validate their feelings.For example: Its time for little Suzie to brush her teeth.As a parent I choose she has to brush her tooth even though Suzie doesnt want to.I will allow her to list the reasons why she does not want to and then I list the reasons why she should and then enforce my own decision,make her brush them,thereby being the adult.Is this what you're talking about? If not a true parent couldnt have invented this parenting style.

nonmember avatar mamabear

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... OBVIOUSLY written by some childless idiot. My stepmother has a 4yo and lets her do what she wants.. And i made my baby shower kid free because i didn't want that little monster there (currently pregnant). And the woman drinks all day bc she can't PARENT. Meanwhile my 3yo boy is peacefully eating dinner (veggies included!).. Her kid refuses to eat anything but what SHE wants.. Ie dry ramen noodles for 2 weeks straight.. Haha id love for my son to try that.. He'd be one hungry boy..

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