Moms and Kids as Equals -- New Parenting Approach

consentual living

Photo by Christy.Cab

It's called Consentual Living -- it basically means that you and your toddler are equals. You are no longer the boss, and she is no longer the underling.

No more time-outs or spanks. No taking away consequences to discourage bad behavior. No, well, no more work for us moms at all!

Parent Dish goes into the Consentual Living philosophy and bit more deeply and provides a link to the movement's main site, but here's an example of how it might work in practice:

"If little Bobby hits another child on the playground, Dad might talk to him about how hitting is wrong and offer him other ways to express his anger, but he won't make him apologize. If 2-year-old Susie doesn't want to tag along with mom to her doctor's appointment, mom might cancel her appointment."

So, punishments and rewards are considered "tools of manipulation" and unnecessary when the whole family is working together toward a common goal. When parents put themselves in the role of authority, they may believe they are doing it for the child's good, but they could be missing an opportunity to have more connected relationships with their children, a spokeswoman for the movement says.

This would not work in my house. If I did this, we'd be watching the CARS movie 24/7, adopting 30 puppies, and eating brownies for dinner every night.


Do you agree with the Consentual Living approach to parenting? Have you or would you try it?

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Lians... Liansmommie

Well, I can see how this might work in home. Unless the world wants to play along though, what happens when teachers, judges or bosses demand respect and these kids haven't learned how to respesct authority? My job as a parent is to teach my child to thrive in society not to be my best friend.


i dont thank kid will do what i say till she is 18 ..that is the end of it..

rmattes rmattes

Did I seriously just read that if 2 year old Susie doesn't want to leave the house, mom cancels her appointment?!?! Are you kidding me?!?! I am all for treating your child with some respect, as they are humans too, but there is a line. I am STILL the momma.

shiva... shivasgirl

I dont think so.. I am always telling my kids that this is not a democracy, it is a monarchy, and I am queen...

Freela Freela

Cancel an appt because my kid didn't want to tag along?  If I cancelled every grocery store trip that my son didn't want to take, we would have starved to death years ago!  Realistically, we all need to do things we don't want to do, and we are doing our kids a disservice if we do not discipline them.  Discipline leads to self discipline.  Kids by nature are egocentric, hopefully by the time they grow up they will learn that the world does not revolve around them.  Don't get me wrong- I am not a drill sergeant mom.  I do discuss.  I do sometimes find myself swayed by an argument and realize that my child has a point.  I respect them and their opinions.  But realistically, they are kids.  I'm the mom.  I know what needs to be done to keep the household going.  I know that things are not always fun- and that's life.  My kids are too young to know these things right now- that's why we are not equals in the decision making process.

mamas... mamaslilpunkin

idiotic. People who agree w/ this un-parenting style just need to take their kids on a tour of the local prison because that's where their kids will be in 20 years.

pride... pride4mom

I voted yes,with a BUTT,,,,but not at the age of toddlers...I think we as parents had better start respecting the thoughs and ideals of our young children more than we do now or we are really asking for so much trouble. We now especially,the younger parents, show one thing and say another.The children are so confused they have no choice it seems to them but to lie hide and do what ever they think is fun,and will get them what they want or force their parents to give them what they want. By voting yes I mean by the ages of six years old mostly  with some children maybe eight years old with others......Respect,if you don't have it  for yourselves,as parents, then don't expect the children to give it to you.....

summe... summerdayz

This is a crazy way of doing things. Of course I voted NO.

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