Moms and Kids as Equals -- New Parenting Approach

consentual living

Photo by Christy.Cab

It's called Consentual Living -- it basically means that you and your toddler are equals. You are no longer the boss, and she is no longer the underling.

No more time-outs or spanks. No taking away consequences to discourage bad behavior. No, well, no more work for us moms at all!

Parent Dish goes into the Consentual Living philosophy and bit more deeply and provides a link to the movement's main site, but here's an example of how it might work in practice:

"If little Bobby hits another child on the playground, Dad might talk to him about how hitting is wrong and offer him other ways to express his anger, but he won't make him apologize. If 2-year-old Susie doesn't want to tag along with mom to her doctor's appointment, mom might cancel her appointment."

So, punishments and rewards are considered "tools of manipulation" and unnecessary when the whole family is working together toward a common goal. When parents put themselves in the role of authority, they may believe they are doing it for the child's good, but they could be missing an opportunity to have more connected relationships with their children, a spokeswoman for the movement says.

This would not work in my house. If I did this, we'd be watching the CARS movie 24/7, adopting 30 puppies, and eating brownies for dinner every night.


Do you agree with the Consentual Living approach to parenting? Have you or would you try it?

Only CafeMom members can vote on polls.
Sign up for an account or Click here to log in.

Total Votes: 201

View Results




To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

bugs-... bugs-momma

Heck no! Too many parents these days want to be friends with their kids. They want to let their kids drink, because all kids are going to do it, might as well do it at home right? Hell no! Kids need to have their asses kicked every now and then (not literally), they need rules and boundaries. Look at me, I had boundaries while growing up, my mom was NOT my friend. As a matter of fact most of my childhood I didn't like my mother. When I grew up and became a parent myself, I then understood everything my mother did. She didn't do anything 'to me' she did it 'for me'. For all of those parents that want to befriend their child, wake the f*ck up! You are a PARENT not a FRIEND. You have plenty of time when your child is an adult to be their friend. So act like a parent, spank your kids when they need it and tell them NO. Good God, I can foresee the future if this is the way most parents are with their kids. This world will be a total f*ck up.

karma... karma1578

Okay so not to agree with all of the other ladies here, but this is ridiculous. What kind of child would come up into adulthood right without rules and regulations. We are already having problems with to lenient of a parenting style as it is and these kids think they can already do absolutely anything they want without and consequences... I would be scared to think there are hundreds to thousands of people thinking it is okay to bow down to a child... Wait a lot of them already are. Geez give the kids guns now. Let them take over the world and be done with it. My kids will NEVER lead in my house. I pay the bills adn buy their clothing and feed them every damn day. They will follow my rules.

MizKizzy MizKizzy

April Fools day is past, give it up!

anng.... anng.atlanta

This child rearing style started in the 1960's, and has caused great harm.  Children are raised with no respect for authority, feel everything should be given to them, seek immediate pleasures like drugs, commit violence from lacking any empathy for others...  The list goes on.

Toddlers are selfish little beings with little experience on how to handle their emotions or feel empathy towards others.  Lack of discipline is going to make them tyrants.  At that age they are quickly learning how to manipulate their parents, either through temper tantrums, tears, or begging.  Trying to rationalize with them isn't going to work because they cannot fully understand how much they could hurt someone else, or why it is better that their friend has a toy that they don't.

jenerica jenerica

Didn't we learn anything from "Lord of the Flies"? 

Kids do not make good decisions.

Avarah Avarah

This is just a way to lable and legitimize inattentive parenting.  Now, it's not that you're too stupid and lazy to parent your kid, you're doing "Consentual Living".  Whatever.  Lazy and stupid by any other name is still lazy and stupid. 

mrsfi... mrsfitz05

Really? How in the world would someone come up with an idea like this? I don't get it. Where is the logic to be found? If we take rules and regulations away from children then why should adults have them? Forget laws and mandates...this is nothing but lazy parenting that will produce lazy adults with no sense of self, worth or dignity.

Lanasmom Lanasmom

To spare the rod is to spoil the child--I don't want a spoiled brat that i can't control. --Sorry we'll stick with me being the parent and dd getting spankings and time outs when necessary.

itsme... itsmesteph11

What the hell is this world coming to?

ourba... ourbabykins

um, NO. i am the parent, thanks.

11-20 of 58 comments First 12345 Last